Change...

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

Change...

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Feb 24, 2004 8:20 am

Naruto fanfiction. By me. Not a very long work, but it should be decent. I'll truncate most of my disclaimer, as it doesn't apply here.

Disclaimer: Not the ordinary, worthless disclaimer. Rather, a subdocument created for similar purposes, but in a non-futile manner.

Due to the fact that Naruto as a literary work is incomplete, this story is by nature likewise. I cannot account for that which may yet be added, amended or removed. Along the same vein, to guess at the future is futile. As such, it should not be interpreted as the attempt of this story.

Characterization in fan fiction is an area that irks me on multiple levels. What would I gain by the creation carbon copies of characters already developed by Kishimoto Masashi? In my mind, this is a great fault of fan fiction in general: lack of originality. While in a work such as this I do not claim to invent my own world (a laughable attempt at best), the very least I can do is make it my own.

Nevertheless, I do make an attempt to stay within reasonable bounds. The world is a chaotic place only on the surface, and I do my best to show lower than that, to explain the changed nature of various things.

This story's rating is such for several reasons. While the content is adult enough to eliminate a G rating, the bytes associated with this story indicating "R" are merited by the violence involved. None of it is outside of what is observed in Naruto. There is a minor amount of cursing, though all of it (perhaps futilely) has been censored by yours truly.

In regard to literary techniques: this story is somewhat unique, in that the persona and tense changes, and does so more than once. This should not ruin continuity, and hopefully will provide better understanding. Let it pass as a solitary experiment.

Why did I write this work? I would certainly hope this question is asked by every author. To answer myself, I wrote this initially to further explore the depth of certain characters, and secondarily to try something combining an interesting set of characters. Are these worthwhile goals? Obviously I believed so, considering I completed this work. Your own answer is entirely up to you.

-

Chapter 1: Years...




Readjusting my glasses with one hand, I continue staring into the fire. Fire is an interesting thing, appearing to weave and dance in the darkness. Almost as if it was a living being. I know that this is not so; I know that the flame I see is energy radiating from the chemical reactions in the pile of wood. Yet somehow this does not change the appearance of what I see.

How strange the human mind can be, I ponder yet again. In these recent days, I find myself quite often thinking of such things. Perhaps it has something to do with the three young shinobi that are now bound to me. Teaching them the art of ninjitsu is a tiring process, made all the more so by their personalities. Two of them, at least.

The critique I received as a Genin was that I did not say enough. With an exception, I would say the opposite about the young team that I now watch over. But that is why they are Genin. They are young, and they have many years to learn.

Not that I am old, though sometimes I feel that way. I'm not yet thirty, and my body is not declining as my chakra continues to grow. As a Jounin, I am hardly decrepit. Yet at times I grow very weary of life and the inevitable tediousness of it all. This is irrelevant: I know that I will go on regardless. It is that way I have always been, and the way I will always be.

While I understand and am comfortable with consistency, I also acknowledge that change is at times necessary. All insects will change their traditional patterns if such is beneficial. My name is Aburame (?) Shino, I am a Jounin of the Hidden Leaf Village.

Firelight continues to glint off my dark glasses, flickering in the night. Though I will sleep tonight, it will certainly be later. Going to sleep while they are still awake is completely out of the question.

"I am so going to be the next Hokage!" the blond boy on the opposite side of the campfire crows. "Train here for a while, get really strong, then make myself the next champion! Yeah! That's exactly how it will go!"

This is his routine every night. Though many consistent parts of my life are beneficial, this is not one of them. If I did not fear for his safety, from others and himself, I would attempt to sleep before he begins. Eventually he will wear himself out and slumber will close his large mouth, but not soon enough. The youth have a great deal of energy.

Stretching, the green clad Genin boy grins at his partners. No amount of coldness on their part will stop him. He is determined if nothing else. Now if only that determination extended to his training...

"What do you think, Ruana?" he asks happily. "Huh? Huh? Do you think I can become the next Hokage?"

"Shut up, Watashi," the sleepy Genin yawns. Her yellow dress is rumpled, a sign that we have been on this mission for many days. Initially when our team was formed she was quite obnoxious about her appearance. This problem was... removed. Though she still is overly concerned about her looks, I am grateful she has a bit of wisdom. Unlike Watashi...

"You always say that! Come on, what do you really think?"

"I think I want you to shut up so I can go to sleep."

"But you aren't even in bed yet!"

"I would be if you didn't keep running your mouth!"

"Oh yeah? Well-"

"Children." The time has come for me to interrupt. Immediately they cease their inane conversation, resorting to glaring at each other across the fire. Since I have commanded this Genin team, I have become more taciturn than before. I find that it makes the words I do choose to say mean considerably more.

I feel a slight presence near my left leg, something tiny and familiar sitting on the log beside me. Ah, so one of my scouts has returned. Gently picking up the bug, I raise it to eye level, asking it for what it has discovered.

The small creature tells me many things, in its simplistic and animalistic way. Our colony will be safe, there are no dangers in the forest nearby. There is another big one, their term for humans, coming in this direction. But it is not a predator, it is one that they recognize. Unfortunately, they cannot tell me who it is. This is an area in which I may yet have to instruct them more.

While I have found the bugs living within me to be relatively intelligent, for insects, and receptive to new ideas, they have their limits. My silent communication with them is interesting, but I would much prefer to speak to someone else. And however much I teach them, they will never be a human being.

But such things are not necessary. I am human, but I am also a shinobi. Dismissing the bug, I let it fly into the collar of my shirt, where it quickly sinks into my skin. Another useful ability both I and the bugs have learned together.

"Eww! That's disgusting!" And that would be Ruana. You'd think the months we have worked together would have made her accustomed to my unique abilities. You would think wrong. "Don't do that in front of a lady!"

"If I see one I'll keep that in mind," I answer tersely. It takes her a second to figure it out, and then she merely fumes in silence. In silence is better than out loud. At the very least, she will not begin on her speech about...

"That's just... icky." Never mind. "I can't believe anyone can do that." All of us will now be hearing more on the subject than we could ever wish to. Watashi attempted to argue with her the first few times, more out of belligerence than anything else, but has quickly grown bored with the subject. Maybe when she is finished they will sleep.

"Such icky bugs... crawling over your skin. And under it. Icky!" In typical girlish nature she squirms uncomfortably. To say anything would be pointless. This is often a wise course of action, but in this case especially true. "Icky, icky, icky!" Her powers of description are legendary. "You're a really creepy guy, Shino-sensei. No offense, but I think I'd die if I had bugs anywhere near me." No offense taken. I put little stock in the words of a Genin-level girl.

"Are you done?" This dark voice cuts into the conversation, and I smile slightly beneath my collar. Since he has decided to take a hand, the ranting will probably be truncated; Ruana shrinks back. At the very least he is capable of stopping a conversation.

With a barely perceptible glance of appreciation I look to the third member of my Genin team. Kayaki sits motionless, dark black hair falling between his eyes as he stares into the fire. His midnight black clothing makes him meld nearly into the night, and the appearance fits him well. If all three members of my team were like Kayaki, our missions would be far more silent. And far shorter. I have admired his willingness to learn as much as he can, and assisted him in this as much as is possible.

-

Read the next as a direct extension. I'll be posting whole chapters at once.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Feb 24, 2004 8:22 am

Most likely our visitor will be arriving soon. It will be a welcome diversion from the all too typical conversation around our campfire. Perhaps if I could get them to work harder they would fall asleep from exhaustion. But no... Watashi will never actually work, Ruana refuses to get sweaty, and Kayaki will keep going no matter how tired he is. Ah well. Such difficulties are hardly insurmountable.

The bushes rustle, and our visitor approaches slowly and carefully. Like a friend would approach: obviously so as to be recognized immediately. Before glancing up at them over my dark glasses, I carefully feel the area for chakra usage. None. Our new comrade's appearance is legitimate.

Looking up, I find myself slightly surprised. This is quite an unexpected visit.

"Hi Shino-kun," Hyuga Hinata says timidly, a slight smile on her face.

My old team mate is one of the many people I have not seen often in recent years. As a commander of a Genin team I have little time to converse with other ninjas of my level. Not until the Chuunin exams, which are quite far off for this group. After leaving the Anbu team, I haven't seen Sasuke or Neji in years. Hinata was hired to work far into Wave Country... seeing her is an unexpected but not unwelcome surprise.

She was grown considerably since our team was disbanded. In both skill and body, though unfortunately not in emotion. Years have affected all of us, but fortunately affected us all for the better. Now Hinata is a beautiful ninja, and also extremely talented. Training with a reconciled Neji only increased her skills.

Unfortunately, her confidence in herself is still elusive. I had hoped that after the Chuunin Examinations she would have gained a certain ability to believe in herself. Indeed, for some time she believed in her own abilities, however timid they may have been used. These things faded over time, however, and she retreated back into herself. Neglect, I think, is the major cause of that.

Also, she's still hopelessly smitten with Naruto. I hesitate to use the phrase "in love" as I doubt this singular, one-sided relationship can bear the name. Years have done nothing to lessen this emotion within her, nor to let it out in any way. Part of me must admire her efforts, but Naruto is far too thick headed to understand the subtle suggestions she can barely manage.

I wish Naruto would honestly and truly notice her. In the past he has done so and for a moment I felt hope... but his short term memory leaves people such as Hinata fading away quickly. Her best efforts to catch his eye are very short lived. If I felt it would do any good, I would tell Naruto about this situation, but it would only complicate the matter. Even now, I'm not sure Naruto is ready for that. But Hinata loves him, and I wish that she could be happy.

These thoughts flicker through my head like an insect's wings, passing in a fraction of a second. A response to her greeting is necessary.

"Hello, Hinata." Sufficient.

"Do you mind if I join you?" she asks timidly. Nodding, I move aside so that she has a place to sit around our fire. I am glad to see her, but another question presses on my mind: why is she here? But at the moment other matters are more pressing.

"This is Hinata," I introduce her simply to the three Genin. "She is a Jounin like myself. We served on the same Genin team, just as you yourself are."

Kayaki responds first, glancing at her speculatively over his folded hands and then nodding in greeting. Watashi and Ruana are somewhat slower, but make up for this in enthusiasm. Not a good thing, for one such as Hinata.

"Hiya!" Watashi exclaims, leaping to his feet. "I'm Watashi! I'm gonna be Hokage!"

"You're a Jounin?" Ruana squeals, at almost the same time. "You're so pretty!"

Though she has become better at guarding her emotions, Hinata is still transparent to one who can read the human face. It is a talent I have developed. She blushes and shrinks back slightly from their attention. Quite unfortunate.

"Do you think I can be as strong as you?"

"Why don't you grow your hair long?"

"Do you know the Hokage?"

"I want to be a pretty ninja too!"

"What was Shino-sensei like when he was little?"

"Did he still have all those creepy bugs?"

"Who was the third member of your team?"

"Really, though, aren't those bugs creepy?"

Their onslaught continues, driving Hinata further into herself. When assaulted enough by others, she withdraws completely, shutting out the outside world. At such times, she is more thick skinned than normal, but I have learned that she is miserable. This cannot be allowed... not while I am capable of making her somewhat happier.

"Enough." My voice is harsher than I intended, but it did accomplish the same purpose. Both of them sit down and shut up, and an uncomfortable silence spreads over the camp. Perhaps I will have to say something, to prevent Hinata from feeling as if she is causing any problems here. That would crush her spirit-

"Why are you here?" Kayaki asks softly, dark eyes meeting hers over the fire. This, perhaps, can serve the same function. In general I find Kayaki is not overbearing, and people can talk to him easily. He is probably the wisest choice to break this silence. Regardless, he says no more and waits for Hinata to answer.

"I discovered you were in the area, and came here," Hinata responds. She speaks slowly at first, but gradually manages to say more. Her powers of speech, at least, are improving. But it would take only one cruel individual to knock it down like a stack of cards... "because I needed help."

These words matter more, and I glance up perhaps too quickly. Hinata has overcome her fear of fighting, though not of people, which means that if she needs help, the situation is serious. We are still within Fire Country... why would she be having trouble? I remain silent, waiting for her explanation. For safety sake, I fix Watashi with a glance so he will say nothing to entangle the situation.

"There are several low level ninjas pursuing me. I was on my previous mission and succeeded, and they are out for revenge. I think I could defeat them by myself, but I think they acquired a few more powerful shinobi. There are a lot of them, and I decided that it would be better to have help. That's why I came here."

Merely nodding in response, Kayaki returns to his fire gazing. I know from experience that he is now considering the situation from every angle he knows how. Thankfully, he was perceptive enough to realize she cannot speak much more. But he is a perceptive child.

But I have no time to think of this at the moment. This complicates the situation considerably. Were it only Hinata and I, I would favor ambushing them and finishing them off quickly. Having to take care of three Genins makes the problem much more troublesome, however. Also, the four of us are tired from the day's work, and need sleep. While I know I could go for another day without rest, I would not be able to fight a high level ninja.

To further complicate the matter is Hinata's presence at the most basic. My thoughts are very much in turmoil at the moment, and I am not sure what to think on most subjects. In many ways, I feel a bit lost. This was not a factor that I wished to deal with; never the less, it is here, and I will handle it. None of this inner turmoil appears on my face, a talent I have spent many years developing.

"You are welcome to stay with us," I answer. For a friend I can do no less. "Our camp is yours. I... need some time to think. Excuse me."

Getting to my feet, I fix Watashi and Ruana with a final baleful glance, then turn and walk into the forest. Quickly I leave the flickering circle of the campfire, and the dark shadows engulf me completely...

-

Kindly respond. I don't want you to post saying "I luv yer story it is gud." I'm not looking for affirmation, just a sign that you have read. Also, feel free to critique, or speak your mind about what you think will happen or would like to happen.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby Icarus » Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:17 am

Kindly responding. For some reason, I had "baleful" confused with the feeling it produces.
The Forsworn War of 34

††
User avatar
Icarus
 
Posts: 1477
Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:00 am
Location: 34

Postby wiggins » Tue Feb 24, 2004 11:30 am

Wow! You're a good writer UC. I enjoyed how you described Hinata. Ummm...I'm kind of curious, but why did you choose Shino as narrator? I would also like to see where Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Rock Lee, Kakashi are now... What are they doing?
Being a Christian makes me a different otaku; Being an otaku doesn't make me a different Christian!
User avatar
wiggins
 
Posts: 613
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:42 am
Location: London

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Feb 24, 2004 1:15 pm

OOS (out of story): Thanks to both of you. Actually, this story changes narration, then changes tense. This is the experiment I referred to in the Disclaimer.

OOS: Actually, this is a short story (just five chapters). It doesn't really focus on very much of the world. I have another one in the works that covers all the characters. The only one's you'll recognize here (other than mentions) are Hinata and Shino.

OOC: Also, tell me what you think will happen. I'm curious to see how predictable this story is.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Feb 27, 2004 8:00 am

I'll be updating this every few days, a chapter at a time.

But the thought occurs to me that I failed to answer the question about narration. I chose Shino because he is by far my favorite secondary character.

-

Chapter 2: Honesty

Over the flickering orange flames, Kayaki glances at Hinata carefully. She was certainly what Shino had claimed, though she didn't seem to be very confident in herself. At the moment she was looking over her shoulder where he had gone, obviously lost in thought...




His back quickly fades away into the forest, becoming invisible to my eyes. By chance I notice that he has changed his uniform somewhat. Though it is nearly a larger version of the same style, Shino has for some reason decided to switch to black. Actually, I think that I like this somewhat better, it seems to fit him more. It's been a long time since I've seen him, and I'm glad that he kept the high collar. That always made him seem more mysterious, back when we were on the same team.

Shino was almost more silent than I was back then, though for entirely different reasons. He wasn't shy at all, not like I was, he just chose his words very carefully. I always liked that about him. Kiba would talk and talk, and that would make me feel uncomfortable. But Shino kept silent unless there was something to say.

He was a wonderful team mate, and an efficient ninja. I admired his wisdom, though I can't imagine myself actually paying anyone a compliment. Even if I did, he would probably just nod. Still, it was remarkable that he didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

That thought strikes somewhat of a vein in my mind, as I realize that he was basically the only one who didn't make me feel uncomfortable. Back then I was even worse than I know I am now. I wish I could have changed myself... but I fear I relapse into old habits far too easily. I'm not sure exactly why Shino didn't bother me; maybe it was the fact that he was mostly silent, but I'm not sure that's all it was. Funny... I hadn't noticed until now. So many years later...

Very different than most other shinobi I've met. Even Naruto-kun made me feel uncomfortable. Of course, that's because I love him, and he just doesn't understand. He and Shino are very different people... I'd never thought to compare them until now.

Both of them are wonderful ninjas, though with very different skills. They're both confident in themselves and refuse to give up, no matter how difficult the situation may appear... I wish that I had that sort of confidence. But while Shino is mostly silent, Naruto is loud and noisy. Where Naruto is a bit insensitive, though I'm shocked I can admit that to himself, Shino understands almost anyone. He's capable of doing subtle kind acts, such as making the Genins be silent. I've never noticed those little things before...

Of course, there is the Sakura factor, an issue I never think about when possible. But now that it has come to mind, I know that it will torment me for some time. Naruto dotes on her pathetically, perhaps as pathetically as I dote on him. She's so different from me: bold, beautiful. No matter what she does Naruto will continue to chase after her. If I hadn't held on to my own dream for so many years, I'd accuse him of never growing up. I guess that people like us never learn to get over such things.

It's funny... I don't think I've ever made these observations before. Shino is nicer to me than Naruto ever was. I don't think I've acknowledged that or thanked him even once. What makes up love... I really have no idea. But I don't think that I've ever really known what it was. For many years I've been younger than my age.

And yet all of this thinking is so very futile. I like him, but there is no way of knowing if he feels the same. Of course, he is kind to me as a team mate... he was kind in the same way to Kiba. But he's constantly stoic, revealing nothing of what his thoughts may be inside. If he does have emotions within: it is impossible to tell.

Why do you torment yourself, Hinata? I ask myself. First a laughing, unpredictable clout, then a man who may as well be made of stone. Life is hard, or perhaps this is merely my fault. If I had done something differently, maybe things wouldn't be this way.

I am looking down in the fire, but that does not prevent me from seeing Ruana as she begins to move. She was very subdued for some time after Shino's rebuke, but now that he is absent some of her spunk is apparently returning. I wish it would not... this silence, however painful, is forcing me to look at myself carefully. Maybe if I look often enough, I can find something that will change myself...
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Feb 27, 2004 8:01 am

And the tail end of this chapter, which is short.

-

"Those bugs are just disgusting," Ruana speaks up.

"You always say that!" Watashi complains, quite loudly. "We know already!"

"No really! Shino-sensei is a powerful warrior, but do you know how creepy that would be? Having bugs crawl beneath your skin, come out of your body, crawl on you? I can't imagine it without getting the chills! That simply isn't natural. You can't be human and-"

"Shino is human." I actually spoke. This surprises even myself. In any case, my input stops Ruana's apparent repetition of her opinion. Strange... I did not realize that I felt the need to defend Shino. Across the campfire, I think I see Kayaki speculating me, perhaps noting the same thing that I have. What he determines from it I cannot imagine...

The conversation ends uncomfortably, but my mind has moved to other topics. At first when I met Shino and discovered what he could do, I'll admit I was a bit disturbed. But in time I became used to it, and no longer gave it a lot of thought. Once I used the B to look inside him, and I saw all the bugs. He's a living colony.

It wasn't disgusting, though, I found it interesting. Normally I dislike bugs and other small things that skitter about, but the Destruction Bugs aren't that way. They're almost apart of Shino, and they serve as extensions of his will. Seeing him from the outside, you would never know the bugs were there.

At that very moment Shino returns to the camp, having apparently thought about all he needs to. As usual, he remains completely silent about what he was thinking. I'm relatively certain he heard what we were saying, but he would never mention it.

"How closely are they trailing you?" he asks, remaining on his feet. I have to think about that one a bit, give him the best answer possible.

"I had outdistanced them by a few days, but they were gaining on me. Their land speed isn't incredible, though."

"I see." Shino pauses a moment, considering the information. He has always been one to plan carefully. "We'll camp for tonight, then try to find them the next day. If we can't we will return to Konoha."

No one else seems ready to speak, now that Shino has made a decision. I certainly see no reason to fault it. Kiyaki is the first to leave the campfire, unrolling a bedroll and swiftly lying still. The other two are less organized and take considerably more time, but eventually are drifting toward sleep as well. Shino does not move during this time, waiting, I think, for all of them to be unconscious.

Silently he moves to a pack of supplies, then tosses me a bedroll. Considerate of him... I haven't been very well organized since I've escaped from the mission. Surprisingly that he carried an extra, as well.

As I get comfortable on the ground, I find myself drifting toward sleep remarkably quickly. It's been a very long day, and I am more tired than I realize. But it was a good day, and perhaps this issue is finally over. So very tired...
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby wiggins » Fri Feb 27, 2004 10:23 am

Ummm... why does Hinata refer to Naruto as "a laughing, unpredictable clout"? Naruto is mostly that way but not always...and doesn't Hinata love Naruto?
Being a Christian makes me a different otaku; Being an otaku doesn't make me a different Christian!
User avatar
wiggins
 
Posts: 613
Joined: Sun Oct 26, 2003 9:42 am
Location: London

Postby uc pseudonym » Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:12 am

OOS: She does this because at that point Hinata is getting very down on herself (as usual) and telling herself that she is incapable of loving anyone normal. Due to this mindset, she casts both Naruto and Shino in worse colors than they actually are.

OOS: Though the more I see of Naruto, the more I'd be inclined to call him a "laughing, unpredictable clout." He shows some serious signs of maturity in the situation in which Sasuke leaves (issue 170ish), but most of the time isn't.

OOS: But I'm curious as to speculations.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Mar 04, 2004 10:49 am

OOC: Actual fighting. Imagine that. Note my style of declaring attacks, as in Naruto the characters generally don't actually state the attack name. This isn't supposed to be thought, either.

OOC: I apologize, thoughts up to this point have not been italicized (all my formatting was lost). I haven't had the time to correct this, but I feel the story could probably read nearly as well without them.

Chapter 3: The Enemy

Shadows engulfed the camp, the fire having long been quenched. All of them were asleep, resting for the difficult day that they knew was coming. The sun was still just beneath the horizon, having not yet obtained the strength to push away the darkness that covered the sky.

Watashi lay sprawled out on his mat. Ruana was nearby, her hair disorderly enough to make her ashamed had she been awake. Kayaki was still on his back, eyes closed and in the exact same position he had been when he fell asleep. Hinata was sleeping on her stomach, having folded her arms beneath her. Shino lay on his back, face a mask, his glasses having not been even removed.

It was a peaceful scene... and it would not long remain so.




Some distance away, three warriors skimmed over the forest, leaping from branch to branch. They barely landed before launching again, covering the distance in carefully calculated leaps. Miles passed beneath them, bringing them closer and closer to their eventual goal. Before they reached it, however, the leader raised his hand, stopping them. The other two skidded to a stop, then leapt over to the branch he stood on.

"They are still at camp," he said calmly. "We can reach them in a matter of minutes. I can barely feel their chakra, but they appear to be resting." He glanced through the forest leaves, as if he could see the woman he had been sent to hunt down and her foolish friends. The fierce morning wind blew his slick black hair away from his face, making the long scar across it far more obvious.

"Do they have reason to suspect us?" one of his comrades asked. His arms and legs were wrapped in bandages, and his face was almost entirely covered. The eyes that peered between the wrappings burned with feral light.

"No. They do not know about our true combat abilities, and they do not know we left the slow group behind us. Even under generous conditions, they would not expect us to arrive for a few days. We can take them by surprise now."

"But," the third spoke up, scratching the back of his head with a taloned hand, "they'll still be on their guard. If you ask me, it is too close to morning. I say we wait until tomorrow night, when they are all asleep."

"No one asked you," the leader bit back. "Tomorrow night is too late. They could be to the Hidden Leaf Village by then, or have prepared adequate defenses. Our element of surprise exists only for this moment, we must use it. We will attack as suddenly as possible, using a combined Needle Storm to take out the brats. Finish off the other shinobi, then focus on her."

"You always act like you're the leader, Manatchi!" the other ninja exploded, blond locks falling over his face. "There is no hierarchy among the Missing-nin!"

"You are correct," Manatchi hissed, his eyes narrowing. "Among the Missing-nin, only power rules." Almost growling, he advanced upon the third member. "Do you dare to challenge me?"

They faced off, neither backing down, large prides ramming against each other. The third member of the impromptu assassin team watched them speculatively. Ordinarily he would have let them kill each other, or at least weaken them to the point where he could finish off whatever remained. But not now. There were more important matters.

All three of them were necessary to accomplish this purpose. It took three to perform the Needle Storm jutsu, and that would clear out the worthless Genins. They were not a problem, but their elimination would let them have a shot at the more powerful shinobi. Preferably one of them could handle this new Jounin while the two others took on Hinata. Even if Manatchi fought her, two would be far safer. She was too dangerous to take on alone. This was why they were attacking with a deadly jutsu from the very beginning, but one had to be sure.

"Enough," he spoke up. "Let us go and finish them. You can argue about power later."

"Heh." Manatchi smirked slightly, turning away. "Always the voice of reason, Tinoch. Yes, let's go. Enough banter. When we reach the camp, attack at once."

With no more words, the three Missing-nin vaulted off into the forest, quickly vanishing amid the thick foliage. The sky remained black, though one corner had begun to turn a deep, beautiful blue. Who would see the sun when it rose was still very much in question.




A crunch of leaves caught Hinata's attention and woke her from her light sleep. Shino would never have made such a clumsy sound, and the Genins would not be up yet. Something was definitely wrong. And there was chakra, active, attacking chakra. The realization that a large jutsu was being formed forced her completely awake.

Something was moving from the forest, concentrated chakra in some form. Whirling from her bedroll in an instant, Hinata prepared to defend. It was too late to dodge completely; the chakra attack was already flying for them at some speed. In a fraction of an instant she realized that it was aimed at the three Genins sleeping on the ground. Such an attack would kill them instantly...

Darting in front of the group just before the chakra attack struck, Hinata threw her chakra around herself in hopes of defending them. She managed to form a partial shield that kept the attack from striking the Genins, but to do so required the overall shield to be weaker. The portion nearest her faded away beneath the assault, and the jutsu itself struck her.

Needles of chakra sliced through her flesh from every angle, curving to strike again almost immediately. Even as she screamed in pain, Hinata realized that she had managed to entirely defend the three Genin. They could never have survived an attack of this magnitude. As the needles turned and dove at her again, Hinata braced herself.

Heavenly Spin! Whirling rapidly with her chakra exploding around her, Hinata shattered the needles, dispersing the jutsu that formed them. As they vanished, Hinata herself fell to the ground.

She'd been successful, but at a high cost to herself. Her body was covered in bleeding cuts from the dozens of needles. They hadn't struck at her main body, instead ripping through it from the sides. Worse, being forced to use the Heavenly Spin under such unprepared circumstances squandered much of her chakra. Unable to raise her head, Hinata merely kept her eyes open and hoped that Shino was prepared.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Mar 04, 2004 10:49 am

The instant he felt the raised chakra, Shino jerked awake. Without much time to think, he rolled hard across the ground, evading the raining chakra needles. Ending his roll with a flip to his feet, he quickly panned over the situation.

Apparently Hinata had sacrificed herself to save the Genins, she was obviously heavily wounded. Kiyaki was on his feet with two kunai in hand, and the other two were sitting up in their bedrolls, rubbing sleep from their eyes. Three warriors jumped from the nearby forest, obviously the origination of the attack. At the moment they were splitting up, attacking in different directions.

Briefly Shino considered who they were and why they were here. Though they were moving at full speed, he got a good enough look at them to know they were Missing-nin. The jutsu they had used wasn't one he was familiar with, but it had certainly been Jounin level, if it had been able to break through Hinata's Heavenly Spin. Most likely these were the people following her, they were just far faster than she had realized.

Now he was alone against three powerful renegade ninjas. It was highly unfortunate that Hinata was out... the two of them could have taken down three Jounins and protected the Genins. In any case, it was time to even the odds.

Shino was hardly idle while these thoughts flew through his mind. He pulled a scroll from each of the side pockets of his jacket, unfurling them in front of his body in an x formation. Getting two bugs from his skin at lightning speed, Shino placed them where the two scrolls crossed. Instantly the scrolls curled back into themselves, falling as cylinders. Curling his fingers around both scrolls, Shino placed one palm over the other and then slammed both hands to the ground.

Summoning Skill! The ground erupted as a insect like warrior burst onto their level. It was tall and stood on two legs, yet was covered with exoskeleton armor and had two pincers over its mouth. Immediately Shino pointed at the leader of the Missing-nin, even as he was darting over the ground to act. Seeing his dark expression, it knew better than to disobey.

While summoning, Shino had been keeping close track of the three Missing-nin. One had been driven backward by his insect summon, and the two were now probably fighting further into the woods. Another had hidden himself near the camp, probably thinking to finish off the Genins. The last was nowhere to be seen, but Shino had barely seen him vanishing into the forest... probably with Hinata. Not good.

"Kiyaki!" Shino called, catching the Genin's attention. "Stay ready!" Subtly he inclined his head toward the hidden location of the last Missing-nin. Kiyaki's eyes flickered, indicating he understood, but he made no other response. Immediately Shino vanished into the woods, in hot pursuit of the other Missing-nin and Hinata.

"Why'd he give you the instructions?" Watashi whined. "I'm the leader!"

Shrugging, Kiyaki turned to him and looked as though he was about to respond. The next instant he whirled, hurling four shuriken toward the trunk of a nearby tree. Just before they struck, the tree morphed into a human shape, which blurred out of sight as it evaded the attacks.

As the shuriken buried themselves in the tree trunk, the Missing-nin landed on his feet, completely unharmed. He glanced back up at the Genins, eyes almost burning with hatred.

"Very perceptive, brat," he grated, voice a mockery of praise. "But now you die!"

"Who are you?" Watashi demanded.

"I am Tinoch. I'm the one who will be killing you."

Ruana shrieked, Watashi looked defiant and Kayaki merely returned a kunai to each of his hands. Then Tinoch charged.




Green blurred past Shino as he darted through the forest at full speed. Ahead of him, he could feel the chakra of the Missing-nin who was undoubtedly carrying Hinata. Grimly he reminded himself to stay impartial and calm; the fact that they had kidnaped Hinata and that she was hurt was clouding his vision. First it was necessary to plan...

Several seconds later Shino overtook the last Missing-nin. As he passed he whirled a kunai to his hand and struck at the renegade's head. Sensing Shino at the last second he ducked, barely evading the attack. In the process, however, he lost his grip on Hinata, who was in his arms. In a flash Shino reacted, attacking again, only to be blocked by a weapon.

Both of them split off in opposite directions, neither harmed. Now, however, Shino was carrying Hinata. She still appeared to be unconscious, but that wasn't his main issue at the moment.

Spinning on one heel, the Missing-nin sent several shuriken flying toward this new opponent. Instantly Shino evaded the attack, even while carrying Hinata. Gritting his teeth, the Missing-nin pulled a short ninpo from his side and brought it into position. A second later, he charged, chakra rushing along his blade...




In the thick branches of a tree above, Shino gently set Hinata down. Her eyes flickered open and then recognized him, relaxing. The many cuts covering her body were extremely severe, and she had probably consumed most of her chakra in her quick defense. Undoubtedly her situation was critical.

"What did-" He silenced her by gently placing a hand on her lips. Without a word he glanced through the foliage, down at the clearing below. Another Shino was standing in the clearing, the Missing-nin rushing down upon him.

Now, Shino silently commanded. It had taken him quite some time to teach this technique, but it had been worth it. The bugs were quite stubborn about using their own chakra, and it was even more difficult to make them understand how to use it together. Still, they had eventually learned. Against an unwary opponent like this, the technique would be quite effective.

Tossing the illusion of Hinata aside, the Shino on the ground beneath slammed his hands together into a seal. He flipped through several seals quickly, even as the Missing-nin was almost upon him, blade sweeping down in a deadly arc.

Clone Jutsu: Chakra Swarm! Abruptly the Shino beneath shattered into hundreds of Destruction Bugs, dropping the illusion that had surrounded them. The Missing-nin gaped as his blade struck nothing but air, but it was too late. An aura of chakra surrounded each Destruction Bug, and they all dove forward, spinning rapidly.

Completely taken off guard, the Missing-nin had each and every chakra-charged bug rip through him. Not only did it deal severe damage to his body, each bug consumed as much chakra as possible while it passed. The combination of physical damage and chakra depletion finished the Missing-nin, who collapsed to the ground.

Wearily Hinata realized that the Missing-nin had been defeated below. She had been somewhat relieved when they had merely captured her, not killed her instantly. Then again, they probably had worse things planned. Now, however, Shino had quickly resolved the situation. Hopefully, the Genins would still be alright.

The swarm of bugs flew up to their level of the tree, then vanished into the sleeves and collar of Shino's shirt. In seconds they were completely invisible once again. Realizing that the situation was alright, Hinata let her head roll to the side, letting unconsciousness drift closer around her... but it appeared as though her strength gave out.

"Hinata," Shino whispered. His voice was as collected, as calm as always, yet still held a serious concern she hadn't heard before. "Don't die. We still need you. I still need you."

These words startled Hinata, sending sleep far away. Shino had said nothing strongly emotional, made no incredible revelation, yet it was as if he had. She had never heard him say anything so seriously, so personally. You... you really do care about me...

Aiming a hand toward Hinata, Shino called several bugs that emerged from his shirt sleeve and flew down to Hinata. Immediately they began to work at her wounds, slowly but surely binding them, sewing them together. Finding a roll of bandages in one of his pockets, Shino began working with some of the more serious wounds. The feeling of the bugs on her skin was strange, Hinata reflected... their legs tickled, and what they were doing stung just slightly; dozens of tiny bites. Still, it was healing her effectively.

Shino really does love me... Hinata couldn't quite get the fact through her head. He continued working quickly and efficiently, yet she could see that his eyes were actually moist. Shino... almost crying? She couldn't let him keep thinking she was about to die. It would be horribly cruel to put him through that any longer.

"I... I'm fine..." she managed to choke out. Immediately Shino's gaze flickered to her, and he nodded. The relief in his face was almost invisible, yet quite evident to someone who had worked with him as long as Hinata had. Closing her eyes again, Hinata felt a slight smile slip onto her face.

There was no time, no space to revel in this new reality. They were warriors, and this was war. At least two of the Missing-nin were still at large, and one of them was probably attacking the Genins. Unless the two of them did something quickly, they would probably die. For the moment, it was most important to assure their survival... there would be time to figure all of this out later.

Finishing with Hinata's wounds, Shino recalled all but one of his bugs, then carried it to his eye's height. He spoke to both of them at once, giving them his plan.

"We need to return and save the Genins as soon as possible, but in an organized fashion. First..."
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby true_noir_chloe » Thu Mar 04, 2004 11:05 am

UC, is there a way I could get a copy of this? I don't have time to sit and read it here, but I've really enjoyed what I read and do want to finish it. I'd really appreciate it. Your view of Hinata, who is my favorite character in Naruto, has piqued my attention. ^_^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
User avatar
true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Mar 04, 2004 11:13 am

You read Naruto? Interesting. If you know who Hinata is, I take it you've read most of it?

In any case, I'd be happy to send a copy your way. I'm relatively certain I have your e-mail address, so I'll send an HTML copy in your direction. Unfortunately, you'll lose all formating, and I have yet to discover a way around this. I would like your commentary as well.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby true_noir_chloe » Mon Mar 08, 2004 7:03 pm

Wow! :wow!: I had to write on this thread. I've read the whole story and it is awesome!!!

I'm a total Naruto fan and Hinata is my favorite character. I'm so glad someone wrote a fanfic about her, and it's a great fanfic, too.

I just have to tell everyone, even if you don't like Naruto, this is worth reading. Okay, I've now become a UC fangirl. *giggles* <-- just kidding, I never giggle.:cool:

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
User avatar
true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Mar 09, 2004 5:36 am

OOC: Good. It'd scare me slightly if you giggled.

OOC: Anyway, I have to apologize for the fact that this is an unedited story I'm posting. I never do this, but this time I forgot. Please ignore all moronic mistakes. I will post the next chapter tomorrow. The last two are the coolest, in my opinion (though 'cool' refers mainly to action).
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Wed Mar 10, 2004 11:26 am

Chapter 4. In my opinion, this one is pretty cool, but that's just because of Kayaki. Way too cool of a character to be a minor static cameo in a short story, which is all he amounts to. Ah well.

-

Chapter 4: Shino's Protege




The clearing was filled with tension so thick it seemed tangible. Though the sky was beginning to become light and morning approached, the sun was completely hidden. Limited light did little to disrupt the eyesight of the shinobi in the clearing, as they continued to lock eyes. Neither group moved, ready to act at the slightest provocation.

Tinoch had charged and the Genins had evaded his attacks, just as he intended. Not only did he now know how much speed they were capable of, they thought they knew his. Beneath the cloths covering his mouth, Tinoch smiled; they were quite wrong. To think that three Genin could equal a Missing-nin of his ability... foolish.

Across from him, the small team was even more tense. One of the Missing-nin had left and the other was busy with Shino's summon, but even one might be enough to finish them. Watashi glared daggers at his opponent and Ruana had managed to get a grip on her fear and dodge. Kayaki's eyes were narrowed... if they could waste enough time Shino would return...

Tinoch charged, thinking much the same thing. He had to finish off these brats before the more serious warriors returned. Watashi and Ruana both leapt away when they saw him coming. It had been his plan to hurl kunai at them, but things were somewhat different. The third boy wasn't dodging... what sort of fool was he?

But it would be better to certainly kill him than just wound the two others. Tinoch didn't like the look of this boy, either, better to have him out of the way. A kunai was already in Tinoch's hand, and he struck down. The idiot wasn't anywhere near fast enough to block...

Abruptly Kayaki's arms swept up, kunai slashing at Tinoch's face. At the last second the Missing-nin wove back, and the kunai just sliced a few of his bandages. The brat had been hiding his speed before...

While Tinoch wove back, Kayaki struck forward, leg sweeping to strike his head. Recovering from his imbalance, Tinoch caught the leg. Feh... some chakra, but not enough to be serious. Using Tinoch's arm as leverage, Kayaki swung his other leg at his stomach. Barely realizing the attack in time, Tinoch managed to catch it with a palm.

Breaking free from Tinoch's grips, Kayaki flipped to his feet as he fell to the ground. Before he had even landed, he struck the ground with a hand seal. Instantly a shock wave burst through the ground, knocking Tinoch flying into the air. The brat actually had some jutsu as well... and now he was going to attack with a kunai.

Before Kayaki could strike, Watashi decided that he wanted part of the battle. Diving in from the side, he struck at Tinoch with a kunai. The blow was far too slow, and the Missing-nin easily caught it. Just before he could smash a fist into Watashi's stomach, Tinoch was distracted by several shuriken thrown by Ruana.

Catching these easily, Tinoch slipped them between his fingers and then took a swipe at Watashi, who was still dangling by one hand. The Genin boy managed to twist out of the way of the blades, but Tinoch quickly reversed his arm's momentum, an elbow smashing into the boy. Going with the attack, Tinoch took Watashi all the way to the ground, blood flying from the boy's mouth as he struck.

Leaving the defeated Genin, Tinoch turned to Ruana, who was gasping in shock. She was too afraid to even attack... not worth his time. Thrusting out a hand, Tinoch sent a wave of chakra out that knocked her back and into a nearby tree. She fell to the ground and did not rise. Now, just to take care of the last boy...

...he was nowhere to be seen. Narrowing his eyes, Tinoch glanced around the clearing carefully. Surely he knew it was pointless to run away, his friends would just die. That meant he would shortly be attacking from wherever he had hidden himself.

A split second later Kayaki dove from behind, leg sweeping toward Tinoch's head. Sensing the attack, Tinoch whirled and drove a kunai into the boy's chest... which promptly dispersed in a shower of mist. Bunshin? He couldn't actually be that clever... another attack hurtled in his direction, and Tinoch dispersed it as well. Idiot... such a simplistic jutsu. Then again, what had he expected from a Genin?

The next attack coming toward him began to bore Tinoch. He could feel the chakra illusion and didn't bother to block... why did the boy bother?

Unfortunately for Tinoch, this attack was not bunshin no jutsu, it was kawarmi no jutsu... and the illusion had been made from a rather large tree trunk. It struck Tinoch and he barely stumbled before breaking the log in half. An attack like that couldn't hurt him very much...

Kayaki's chakra-filled foot slamming into the back of his head could. Hurtling forward, Tinoch managed to land on his feet and skid across the clearing. So the boy could pack a bit more of a punch than he'd originally imagined. If all three of them had been like this, it might have been a bit more of a problem. One would not be any manner of obstacle.

"You're a sharp kid," Tinoch commented, rising to his feet and flipping two kunai into his hands. "What's your name?"

"Kayaki, of the Uraki clan," Kayaki answered, even while shifting left to stay opposite Tinoch.

"You're not bad, for a kid. It'd be a shame to kill you, really. Why not become a Missing-nin? What do you have to lose?"

"Too much," Kayaki answered levelly. "I am Shino's protege, and I wish to remain that way."

"Feh. Idiot. There's no time, I guess I'll just kill you." Charging forward, Tinoch noticed at the last second the thin trip wire stretched across the camp. So this kid had managed to set up a trap while he had been distracted with the other two. Not good enough. Tinoch slowed to a stop just before the string... just as Kayaki hurled a shuriken and sliced it himself.

Immediately forcing his chakra into his feet and shooting into the air, Tinoch narrowly avoided several blades that sliced across the space where he had been. Flipping back, Tinoch barely touched off a tree behind himself and leapt forward toward Kayaki. The boy stepped to the left, pulling on another trip wire with his leg. Immediately the tree behind him snapped downward, flying toward Tinoch.

Barely catching his arms on the ground, Tinoch flipped and kicked directly up, breaking the trunk in half. He landed on his feet, just in time to block another strike from Kayaki. The boy leapt back, his hands already moving in a seal. Tinoch didn't bother to attack, curious about what pathetic jutsu a Genin of his age might have mastered.

Seconds later water exploded from the ground, reservoirs from the deep blasting to surface level. Having sensed the attack, Tinoch was long jumping away, and then landed across from Kayaki. A powerful jutsu, but a basically useless one... all that had changed was that their fighting area was covered in water.

About to make a biting comment about the futility of such a slow jutsu, Tinoch realized that Kayaki was already making more hand signs. What was he planning? He was using hand seals no Genin should have learned... what was going on?

Mist Cage! The soaked area around Tinoch suddenly sprang to life, the water flying into the air and forming a hollow sphere of water around him. So it was a capturing jutsu... very interesting. Then his first attack had been no more than a set up. But it was still futile, such a weak prison could not hold him.

Concentrating chakra in one hand, Tinoch smashed it into one of the sides of the sphere surrounding him. Instantly it fell apart, the jutsu crumbling and the water falling to the ground. Good, but not good enough; the boy didn't have enough power to make the cage indestructable.

For a split second Tinoch saw Kayaki in the air before him, and then the boy's fist struck his face, sending him falling backward. Though the attack hurt, Tinoch recovered himself and turned his fall into a flip, kicking his opponent with both legs. Kayaki fell backward in a shower of blood, but quickly flipped to his feet. Before Tinoch could recover enough to attack, the boy had already made several more hand seals.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Wed Mar 10, 2004 11:27 am

A fierce wind blew the water toward Tinoch, sending a nearly solid wall of mist flooding over him. Bracing himself, Tinoch defended against the attack, and it barely forced him back at all. A worthless tactic... unless of course he was trying the same thing as before, a simple distraction. No trick would work on him twice.

Sensing Kayaki hurtling from the right, Tinoch whirled and smashed a fist into his stomach. The boy gaped in pain, and as he fell to the ground Tinoch punted him across the clearing. He skidding for some distance through the water, then slowly began to rise to his feet. Eyes blazing, Tinoch turned to him, licking blood away from his mouth. Soon the boy would pay for that...

Water Pillar! Tinoch's jutsu blasted up from under Kayaki sending him high into the air. As the boy fell, Tinoch rushed upon him, smashing a fist down into his stomach and sending him to the ground. Whipping out a kunai, Tinoch attacked again, slashing the boy across the chest and sending him hurtling across the clearing.

He was somewhat surprised when Kayaki rose to his feet unsteadily the next second. Surely he should be beaten by now... that kid was determined. Again Tinoch attacked, sending a veritable storm of shuriken toward his opponent. Though he tried to dodge the weapons, most of them imbedded themselves into the Genin. Amazingly, he kept on his feet.

"Why keep fighting?" Tinoch asked, folding his arms in triumph. "You cannot possibly defeat me!"

In response Kayaki ran toward him, each step causing him to bleed further. Still he picked up speed, darting toward Tinoch with a kunai in hand. When he got close enough, Tinoch whirled, smashing a boot into the boy's head, sending him flying across the arena again. There, now he was finished.

But no... again he rose. Angry now, Tinoch began to make hand seals of his own. It was time to finish the boy off once and for all. No one could survive this attack, and in his state he couldn't possibly dodge it.

Absolute Crush! Tinoch moved both his hands into the air on either side of him, and two gigantic pillars of rock broke out of the ground on either side of the barely standing Kayaki. Smashing his hands together, Tinoch made the pillars do the same, crushing the boy between them. There was no space between the pillars. Breathing heavily, Tinoch dispersed the rock and watched the boy fall to the ground, most of his limbs broken and his ribs crushed.

And again he rose. Jaw dropping, Tinoch frantically glanced about the area, trying to figure out what was going on. No one could survive that, no one. Something was wrong... abruptly Tinoch realized that he was encased within some manner of genjutsu. So that was what was the truth of the situation.

Kai! The jutsu resisted his efforts to dispel it, but Tinoch knocked it aside. All these attacks had drained his chakra... he needed to finish off whatever really remained of the boy. Around him mist faded away, mist he hadn't realized was there, letting him see again.

Kayaki stood on the opposite side of the clearing, his hands still in the seal they had been before. The piles of rock from the pillars lay elsewhere, and the damage from his water pillar elsewhere as well. Neither of the attacks had touched Kayaki, who now glanced up at Tinoch with hard eyes.

"D*****!" Tinoch roared. Then he had wasted his time and squandered his chakra. Pulling a large shuriken from the pack on his back, he rushed forward, aiming to slice the small boy to ribbons. There were no illusions now, he made sure of it. Against his full speed, there was no way the boy could avoid his inevitable death...

Ice Coffin! Water exploded into the air as Kayaki made another hand seal. It struck Tinoch's arm but he rushed through, ignoring the minuscule pain... a completely worthless jutsu, even compared to the boy's other techniques.

Just as he reached the boy, Tinoch suddenly screamed in pain. The water still on his arm had frozen completely solid, trapping his arm motionless in striking position. His skin burned from the freezing temperature, and he barely stopped his screams. Concentrating all his remaining chakra, Tinoch forced it into his arm. It wasn't going to be enough to break the ice...

No... it couldn't end this way... this was the boy's final jutsu. It was a good one, but not enough to defeat a ninja superior to him. If this last tactic failed, the Genin would be finished. Tinoch couldn't let it finish him him. He would not be defeated by a mere Genin. His mind began to go back to the village, to the reason he had become a Missing-nin, to his quest for power. It would not end here. It will not!

Screaming in rage, Tinoch shattered the ice around his arm. The force of the chakra around him sent the water nearby exploding away. Instantly he brought his blade into a battle position, ready to finish off that idiot...

Kayaki was in the air before him, one hand forming a seal and the thumb and index finger of the other surrounding his mouth. His cheeks were bulging as if they contained something. Tinoch's strike continued down, aiming directly to sever his neck completely...

Ice Breath! A deadly wind blew from Kayaki's lips, freezing everything before him. The ground nearby was coated in a layer of frost, and the leaves on the ground were instantly crystalized. Tinoch was encased entirely in ice, frozen forever.

For a moment Kayaki remained standing, then he fell forward. He was unconscious before he struck the ground.




A shadow fell on the boy sleeping from exhaustion, a tall and long shadow. Into the drying clearing walked Manatchi, his face hardened into a vicious expression. His clothing was a bit ripped, but he himself appeared completely unharmed. Reaching the clearing, he tossed aside the bloody body of the insect creature that had fought him.

Idiot kids... all three of them appeared to be unconscious now. Tinoch was encased in ice, obviously long dead. He wouldn't have expected that the little brats had it within them to actually take down one of his Missing-nin. But ah well. Nothing would change, he could still slaughter them now, then chase down Shino. Most likely he'd been able to get Hinata back... Manatchi decided he'd have to change that.

But first... wrap up these loose ends. Manatchi flicked a kunai to his hand, then hurled it toward the fallen Kayaki. The blade was knocked away by another thrown in from the side, and both fell off into the bushes.

Growling in anger, Manatchi glanced up to find the source of the attack. Shino stood in the shadows, one arm extended having thrown the kunai, the other holding Hinata up.

"So you're finally back," Manatchi hissed. "I thought you had ran away."

"Your friend is dead," Shino answered him darkly. He instantly took in the field, seeing his three Genins beaten but alive, and the other Missing-nin not so lucky. Apparently Kayaki had succeeded.

"I care not. I killed your summon," Manatchi continued, undisturbed by the death of either of the other Missing-nin. "It was a weak and foolhardy creature."

"I care not," Shino echoed. "It was a rebellious servant, and I knew that you would kill it. I summoned it only to stall for time."

"Time? Time for what? Now I'm going to slaughter you like the idiot you are, then take that b**** anyway! What do you way to that?"

Gently setting down Hinata, Shino briefly turned his back to Manatchi. Being ignored made the leader of the group of Missing-nin growl, his blood beginning to boil. Such arrogance... then Shino turned back. His dark sunglasses glinted ominously in the first rays of sunlight that were coming over the horizon, masking his eyes completely. Slowly he moved into a fighting stance, then beckoned for Manatchi to come.

"Let's finish this."

-

I'm curious what you think of the three Genin. Not that they matter very much.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:03 am

No one cares? I liked that chapter...

But oh well. While it's an unhealthy function of pride, I really find myself not caring. This chapter is my personal favorite for two reasons: the ending and the fight that is most of it. I really would appreciate some comments.

-

Chapter 5: Endings and Beginnings




Neither of them moved for a few moments, remaining across the clearing from each other. The sun was just beginning to come over the horizon, its light still muted by the thick tree line that typified the Fire Country. Water from the battle between Kayaki and Tinoch still remained, making the air around them slightly misty as it left.

Shino's gaze was unwavering, just as his fighting stance did not even quiver. Manatchi's gaze flickered over the campsite that had become a battlefield. It was just the two of them now, the winner deciding the outcome of the entire battle. Watashi and Ruana lay defeated on the edge of the clearing, Kayaki completely spent on the ground. Next to him still stood the frozen Tinoch. Both the summoned insect and the last Missing-nin were nothing more than bloody heaps remaining in the forest.

Yes, it all came down to this...

In a flash Manatchi pulled a kunai from his pocket, hurling it forward toward Shino. Seeing his muscles tense in the action, Shino responded before the kunai had left his hands. He pulled a shuriken with both hands, one deflecting Manatchi's weapon and the other speeding forward to strike him. Weaving to the side, Manatchi evaded the weapon, then leapt back as several Destruction Bugs bit into the spot he had formerly occupied. This was definitely the one, then...

Landing on his feet and spinning to face Shino, Manatchi was already making several hand seals. He had a book with several pages of information on Aburame Shino. Though he now served as a leader of a Genin team, at one time he had been a very dangerous Anbu. Recalling the information he had read, Manatchi had decided that he needed to pull out all the stops for this battle. Shino needed to be destroyed instantly.

Blood Kunai! Thrusting his hands forward, Manatchi sent a blast of concentrated chakra from them. It quickly morphed into the shape and form of an extremely large kunai, its color the deepest red. This attack would tear through flesh and bone, and nothing could block it.

Utilizing his full speed, Shino leapt over the chakra weapon. As he landed, he abruptly split into two of himself. Immediately Manatchi's eyes narrowed, as he attempted to discover what exactly was being done. Was one of them a bunshin? Or had he used Kage Clone?

One of the Shinos was making several rapid hand seals, and as he moved Manatchi noticed something slightly wrong with the movements. The edges of his body blurred, as if he wasn't quite solid... as if he was made of something smaller... like bugs! So he had finally decided to play his trump card! Manatchi knew all about the Destruction Bugs that Shino contained within his body. They could be a deadly weapon, and apparently could form their own clones. Not perfect clones, though...

Bug Clone: Chakra Swarm! Abruptly that Shino shattered into all its separate bugs, which spun forward incased in chakra. Manatchi's eyes widened slightly; this jutsu was entirely knew to him. Very clever, to teach the bugs themselves a jutsu. However, it still wouldn't matter. Before the bugs got close enough to strike him, Manatchi finished the seals for his own jutsu as well, then took a deep breath.

Blaze of Glory! When Manatchi expelled his breath, it was a solid wall of flame that encompassing the bugs nearing him entirely, burning them to no more than a crisp. When the blast of flame faded, the real Shino had evaded the attack, but nothing whatsoever remained of the Destruction Bugs.

"What now?" Manatchi laughed. "Your secret weapon has been destroyed! Without your bugs you're crippled!"

"I would be," Shino acknowledged calmly. "...which is why I used an illusion."

"What?" Manatachi gasped, slipping into a defensive stance. He had to be lying...

"My bug clone jutsu is too slow to be used against a shinobi of your caliber, and I fully expected you to stop it. Nothing was lost. But it cost me only the chakra for an elementary jutsu, whereas you performed a much higher level technique."

"You lie!" Manatchi roared, rushing forward. As he moved, chakra collected along his arm, forming a line that was actually visible. The line widened and thickened, becoming a sickle-like blade formed purely of chakra. A slight grin on his face, Manatchi leapt into the air, pulling the blade over his head. He brought it down with as much force as he could toward Shino, who glanced up at him calmly.

Dropping to the ground, Shino buried a fist in it, then ripped out a massive chunk of rock. It exploded into the air, colliding directly with Manatchi. The surprise damage made Manatchi disperse his chakra blade. He managed to knock the boulder away and landed on his feet, in time to deflect a kunai hurled by Shino.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:03 am

"I am a Jounin of the Hidden Village of Fallen Leaves," Shino stated calmly. "If you think I could reach this rank with only one weapon, you are sadly mistaken."

"Bah!" Manatchi hissed. "I've seen your records in the book. They say you're an average Jounin, nothing more. We eliminated the biggest threat when we took out that girl. Everyone who has returned from fighting you says you are only proficient, not a master."

"They are entitled to their opinion," Shino answered, voice completely modulated. It was really getting under Manatchi's skin, and he darted forward with a fist flying toward Shino's face. To his surprise, the shinobi merely raised an arm, deflecting the strike away from his head. Immediately Manatchi struck again, smashing a blow into Shino's face. His eyes widened in surprise as the Jounin dispersed into a cloud of smoke.

Shino struck from behind, his kunai barely being turned aside from plunging itself into Manatchi's back. It still traced a thin line of blood along his arm. Roaring in pain and anger, Manatchi struck down toward Shino's head. The force of the attack took him all the way to the ground as Shino backstepped it, and the Missing-nin's arm plunged into the ground.

Immediately Shino struck, kicking forward with full force. Flipping to his back, Manatchi used his forearm not embedded in the earth to block the attack. Using the embedded arm as leverage, he pushed himself into the air, kicking twice at Shino's face. Turning the strikes aside, Shino swept a side kick at his upraised opponent.

Pulling his legs down, Manatchi barely evaded the attack, then flipped himself from the ground. As he landed on his feet, he deflected a strike by Shino. Surprisingly, his opponent's hand passed directly through his own, the clone dissipating. Shino slammed a shoulder into him from behind, sending him tumbling part way across the clearing.

Turning and getting to his feet, Manatachi stopped his skid and glanced back at Shino. His eyes blazed darkly, sending murderous looks at the shinobi who stood silently on the opposite side of the clearing. As Manatchi got to his feet, Shino finally spoke.

"Those who have returned from fighting me were allowed to do so," Shino explained. "Most of them did not return."

"You're better than I thought," Manatchi admitted. "But you're still nothing but a law enforcing servant of order. You cannot deal with chaos!" As he spoke Manatchi moved through multiple hand seals, fully prepared to leap away if Shino attempted to attack. He did not, which was fine with Manatchi; he finally had time to perform this attack. "This is a forbidden jutsu... something a stupid two shoes like you could never understand!"

Partial Resurrection Storm! Slamming his palms together, Manatchi completed the jutsu. He'd nearly died while stealing this jutsu, but it had been more than worth it. Until today, he'd never had a cause to use it. It consumed a lot of chakra, but was almost impossible to dodge and devastating when it struck.

The chakra from the attack spread out through the clearing, and then suddenly dozens of objects burst from the ground. Body parts, most long dead but a few decaying, burst into the air, rotating for a second, showers of earth falling around them. Shino's eyes widened slightly, but he did not move. The next instant all of the body parts flooded through the air toward him.

With a slight grin Manatachi waited for them to strike Shino, wracking his body with unearthly pain and finishing him off. Even if he dodged, all of them would just continue to home in on his body. It was a wonderful jutsu indeed.

Suddenly Manatchi's eyes narrowed as he saw the body parts change direction, sweeping low to the ground. Again they circled, but they appeared to be following absolutely nothing. Between the bits of flesh and dust that were falling through the air, Manatchi couldn't tell what had happened to Shino, or where he was. If he was still dodging, he couldn't do it forever.

Abruptly the storm of body parts changed direction again, this time flooding directly toward Manatchi. Taken off guard, he had time only to cancel the jutsu. Instantly the body parts shattered to dust, raining down all over the battlefield. Why had they been coming in this direction? Unless Shino had managed to reverse the attack, that could only mean...

Turning as quickly as possible, Manatchi had only an instant before he had to react. A puddle of water suddenly floated into the air, twisting about itself and forming the shape of Shino, which was already moving toward him at close range. This instant was not enough, and Shino's fist collided with Mantachi's face.

Crashing to the ground some distance away, Manatchi painfully got to his feet and wiped blood away from his face. That had hurt... this guy could definitely hit. There was so much chakra behind the blows... four or five more and he was finished. In that case, he just had to ensure that he wasn't ever hit.

Time for another jutsu, a more subtle one this time. Rushing forward toward Shino, Manatchi quickly activated his sealless jutsu, blue flames lighting up on one hand. Shino easily blocked Manatchi's first strike with a forearm, but then the Missing-nin clamped his other hand on the skin of his wrist.

Chakra... flowing, living chakra... he could feel it. Immediately Manatchi began sapping away with all his might, draining as much chakra as he could from his opponent. Soon he would probably be thrown off or forced back, and he needed to get as much of an advantage as possible...

But Shino didn't move, just watching Manatchi as he continued to drain. Nervous, Manatchi quickly considered everything. Why was he so confident? It wasn't a clone... Manatchi knew that he was actually draining chakra... could he really be so foolish that he did not understand what was happening to him? In any case it was unnerving him.

"What are you, a fool?" Manatchi demanded. "Why aren't you worried that I'm stealing your chakra?"

"The Destruction bugs eating chakra from your neck and returning it to me may have something to do with it," Shino said softly, quietly enough that Manatachi almost missed his words. In shock, he glanced down at his neck and realized that the tiny bugs were slowly but surely taking away his energy; with his own draining going on, he hadn't noticed. The exchange was equal... neither of them accomplished anything.

Shino smashed a fist into his opponent's chest. Manatchi had been a bit more prepared for this attack, though he couldn't dodge or block it, so he moved with the momentum and allowed himself to fly across the clearing. Flipping in the air, Manatchi landed on his feet and glanced back at Shino.

He was still calmly standing some distance away, ready to fight but completely calm. The arrogant b******! Manatchi grimly realized that he was outmatched; this Jounin was superior to him in basically every way. Unless he was hiding weakness or exhaustion, he had taken basically no damage in the entire battle.

Attacking Shino again wasn't an option... in fact, it was probably the worst possible option. He could run, but that would only make his position worse: Hinata would heal and the Genin would awake, whereas his partners were dead and would remain that way. Now was his strongest position... but he couldn't attack Shino. Then again, he really didn't have to.

Hiding an evil smirk, Manatchi realized what he should do. Shino was unbeatable, but he did not have to be defeated for this mission to successful. Sometimes the wisest course of action was actually to flee. In this case, all he had to do was kill Hinata... and she was lying nearly comatose on the ground, unable to defend herself.

Charging forward, Manatchi abruptly changed the course of his strike midway across the clearing. Instead of attacking Shino, who had pulled a kunai to defend himself, he turned and flew down upon Hinata, who was still laying on the ground. It was time to finish this...
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:06 am

Keeping her eyes nearly closed, Hinata continued to use her Hyuga vision to watch the battle. Shino was being extremely cautious, and it was negating his opponent's reckless attacks perfectly. The leader of the Missing-nin was drained of much of his chakra, and had several wounds. Slowly and surely the fight was ending.

Apparently he determined this for himself, as he faked a strike at Shino and then moved toward her. Hinata pulled her eyes fully open to watch him as he bore down upon her. Behind him, Shino merely watched, folding his arms and not making any movement to stop him. Just as Manatchi neared her, Hinata smiled at him kindly.

Beneath her clothing, the Destruction Bugs hidden within suddenly swarmed out, flying into the air in front of her. It briefly formed Shino, in the position of kicking at his opponent's head. Manatchi ducked the strike, and then realized that the clone of bugs was already making hand seals...

[/i]Bug Clone: Chakra Swarm![/i] At nearly point blank range the clone dispersed, dozens of the tiny bugs slicing through Manatchi's extremities and robbing him of another portion of his chakra. The force of the attack drove him across the clearing, knocking him into a tree on the opposite side of the clearing.

Sitting against her tree, Hinata allowed herself to smile slightly and allowed her eyes to fall nearly closed once again. It would not be long, now.




Shino watched his opponent get to his feet as he allowed the bugs to return to him. They swarmed into his sleeves and collar, then merged into his skin. It was slightly uncomfortable, but worth having his hive within him again. Manatchi got to his feet, now bleeding from many wounds. Merely watching him, Shino fueled his opponent's rage even more.

Roaring in anger, Manatchi charged at full speed toward his opponent. He smashed a palm into his opponent's forehead, and Shino fell back. Before he could hit the ground, Manatchi pivoted, smashing a leg into his back. Staggering across the ground, Shino could not defend himself as Manatchi plunged a fist into his face.

The impact of the blow sent Shino sailing across the battlefield, where he crashed to the ground heavily. His explosion of power fueled by his rage vanishing, Manatchi slowed, then turned to his opponent.

Coughing up blood, Shino struggled to get to his feet. Grinning, Manatchi leapt into the air, sailing toward the fallen Jounin. Both of his legs moved down, aiming to strike Shino's neck hard enough to break it. Manatchi felt a thrill of joy run through his body... he was going to win, he was actually going to win!

As he began to bring his legs around, Manatchi saw Shino glance up at him. For the first time since the fight began, the silent warrior had a slight smirk on his face. That look completely quenched the thrill Manatchi had felt, replacing it with a deathly chill like ice water trickling down his back.

[/i]Leaf Aegis![/i] Spinning his arms, Shino activated his own jutsu. Slicing gusts of wind circled around him in a deadly and expanding pattern. In the air and unable to later the path of his flight, Manatchi ran directly into them. Instantly his body was lacerated by several long and devastating wounds. The attack reversed his momentum, sending him falling back to the ground in a bloody heap.

Readjusting his glasses, which were unbroken, as he rose to his feet, Shino calmly wiped blood from his face. There were no wounds beneath it, not from those pathetic attacks from a desperate warrior. By this point his chakra was far too drained to deal much damage: this battle was over.

"You're finished," Shino stated. Not battle talk, or argument, simply stating an obvious fact. "Fighting any further would be futile."

"No!" Manatchi roared. "We cannot be defeated like this! We will succeed! I will not be defeated!" His vision turned red, and he rushed forward. There was power, immense power, flooding through his veins. He was going to die, and he didn't care in the slightest. No matter what, he was going to take his opponent with him. It was releasing, now that he didn't really care. Now he was free to go all out, to expend all that remained of this body toward destroying his opponent utterly. Raising a bloody fist, Manatchi flung it at Shino's face, intending to strike it completely off. Nothing could stop him now...

Ducking below and to the left of the attack, Shino moved his left hand into a seal, and sent the other moving toward his opponent's chest. His palm struck his opponent, knocking the wind out of him. For a split second Manatchi was swept off his feet, and then Shino's true attack struck.

Inferno Palm! Manatch exploded in flame, his entire body afire. The burning heat rent him apart before he could even scream in pain. Moving back, Shino remained near the flame, letting the invisible waves of heat beat against his face before they faded away. Only a small pile of ash remained.

Shino did not move for some time, standing motionless as a cold wind blew the ashes away, circling over the torn and destroyed battlefield immersed in the morning darkness...



Watashi's gaze flickered open, and he found he was resting on one of the bedrolls. It was so soft, so comfortable. All of his body ached, remembering the chakra-filled blows that had crashed into it earlier. But he was still alive, so apparently things had turned out alright. Maybe his final attack had taken out one of the villains as well. Yeah, that was it. The real heros sacrificed themselves to protect all the others. As he sat up, he realized that the sun was just coming up as well.

Ruana was sitting on a log beside him, brushing her hair. Her torso was wrapped in bandages, but she had made absolutely certain to get her hair looking just absolutely perfect. If not for the bandages, she would have seemed completely untouched.

"What happened?" he asked eagerly. "Huh? Huh?"

"Oh, Watashi! You're awake!" Ruana beamed. "Everything's alright!"

"But what happened? Did we beat 'em?"

"We managed to defeat the Missing-nin that fought us. Shino-sensei beat up the other two and rescued Hinata-sama. You've been unconscious for a while, and we've all just been recovering. I thought some of my hair was going to have to be cut for a while, but it turns out that it's alright. Isn't that great?"

"Alright! I beat that guy!" Watashi laughed victoriously. "Step one to becoming the next Hokage... complete! I'll bet I'm almost as strong as Shino! I am so awesome! "

Sitting with his back to a large tree trunk, Kayaki flexed one hand, looking at it carefully. One of his feet was bandaged; he had nearly broken it striking Tinoch's head. The attack that Tinoch had landed before the genjutsu began had left deep bruises all across his chest, but Shino had bandaged them effectively. Most of his problem was his nearly complete loss of chakra.

One thing was certain: he needed to train more. His body itself wasn't tough enough... his own blows shouldn't have hurt, and Tinoch's attack shouldn't have nearly taken him out. More importantly, he needed to train his chakra; the amount he had would hardly be enough. His control needed work too; there had been several times he'd wasted some of his chakra... those times would have to be eliminated. Once they returned to Konoha, he'd have to ask Shino to train him specifically to properly control his chakra.

"Hey Kayaki, did you see me beat that guy?" Watashi asked. Kayaki didn't bother to look up at his partner. So quickly.... Grinning, Watashi tried to leap to his feet and then sat back down, wincing in pain.

"You aren't healed yet," Ruana chided him disapprovingly. "You shouldn't be doing anything strenuous soon."

"Strenuous? Heck, I'm gonna be relaxing for a few days! We absolutely rocked on a really tough mission! That had to be an A-Ranked mission!" Getting to his feet, more carefully this time, he turned back to Ruana. "Where's the sensei?"

"He and Hinata left right beside that tree that Kayaki is sitting by. I don't think he went far, though, he said they had a few loose ends to tie up before we could go home."

"Alright! I'm gonna have to ask him if we can do high level missions more often. This was a lot of fun!" Indomitably he moved forward in the same direction. Just as he moved parallel to Kayaki, the boy rose to his feet, moving an arm into his teammate's path and nearly clotheslining him.

"What's this?" Watashi asked indignantly. Kayaki glanced at him emotionlessly.

"Don't follow them," Kayaki responded darkly.

"And why not?" Watashi demanded. The scarcest of smiles crossed Kayaki's face.

"Watashi... sit down and shut up."

-

Too long? I divided it three times and it's still too long! Ridiculous. Regardless, here's the final scene.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:07 am

Enveloped entirely by shadows in a small clearing, Shino and Hinata were nearly invisible. The dappled sunlight of the rising sun made a small amount of light... and that was all that was really necessary.

Hinata continued to embrace him, resting her head against his chest. She felt so safe here, so peaceful and protected. His arms were gently around her, holding her closely to him. The realization that Shino loved her had been accompanied by the realization that she felt the same. Her vision allowed her to see up as well, to see him looking down at her. He actually saw her, as a person, as a friend. So many times in life she had been passed over as no one...

Closing her eyes, Hinata smiled peacefully and snuggled closer to him. She felt no overwhelming emotion, nothing to make her flushed or uncomfortable. Was this love? It certainly felt nothing like what she had felt for Naruto. But looking back, if this wasn't love, she didn't want to find it.

Keeping his arms wrapped around her, Shino just held her closely to him, as he hadn't realized he wanted to do until now. This wasn't the first time... circumstances of war had forced him to hold her in the past. Somehow this was completely different. Perhaps now she could move on, truly find resolution in her life. No longer would she be straining toward an impossible goal; and perhaps she could gain a bit of confidence in herself. If there was anything that he could do to help, he would certainly do so.

Very few words were necessary. Never did either of them say the oft spoke-of three words. It didn't matter: both of them knew. Eventually Shino released her briefly; he took off his glasses, then folded them and placed them into a pocket of his shirt. Feeling his movement, Hinata glanced up at him. She smiled slightly... a timid smile, but one that wasn't afraid of rejection or anger.

Enfolding her in his embrace once more, Shino kissed her. It was entirely new for Hinata, yet somehow none of that mattered. To finally be at this point, to be willing to let this happen... to want to have this happen.

Behind them, the sun finally moved over the trees, its rays shining down on the land brightly. It was a glorious morning.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby Icarus » Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:43 pm

i was actually rather glad when the W guy (I'd butcher his name if I tried to spell it) and the girl were knocked out, as it meant the other could finally get down to business. For the new section, swing. You do realize that the setting for the battle is the one that movie producers strive for?

"You don't want it to be too dark, or the viewer can't see their movements. Nor do you want a 'showdown at high noon,' as it has been over done. I know! A battle at dawn!"

"Sir, hasn't that been done before?"

"Yes, but not overdone. It's getting there, but not quite."

I don't mean to mock you, I just assume that you were knowingly playing to a stereotype.
The Forsworn War of 34

††
User avatar
Icarus
 
Posts: 1477
Joined: Sun Nov 09, 2003 5:00 am
Location: 34

Postby uc pseudonym » Wed Mar 17, 2004 5:07 am

No. Not really. It just had to be before dawn so that the story could end with sunrise. That's all. When I imagine it, I actually typically imagine it in the daytime, simply because I'm used to that. Ah well.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby MasterDias » Wed Mar 17, 2004 7:49 pm

I enjoyed reading it. It all flowed together really well.
And now, to comment on a statement you made earlier:

I'm curious what you think of the three Genin. Not that they matter very much.


Although the focus of the story was on Shino and Hinata, I found the three Genin interesting. You basically modeled their personalities and such off of Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, didn't you?
-----------------------------------------
"Always seek to do good to one another and to all."
1 Thessalonians 5:15

"Every story must have an ending." - Auron - Final Fantasy X

"A small stone may make a ripple at first, but someday it will be a wave." - Wiegraf - Final Fantasy Tactics
User avatar
MasterDias
 
Posts: 2714
Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2003 4:56 pm
Location: Texas

Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Mar 18, 2004 5:22 am

That's a tricky issue. Initially I tried not to, actually: Ruana existed to advance certain portions of the plot, Kayaki is not really like Sasuke (serious yes, but without the major past issues). Watashi is directly modeled after another: Naruto without motivation or another chakra. But ultimately they ended up too like their counterparts, so it's a bit of a parody of the fact that so many of the teams in Naruto are very like one another (Orochimaru > Sasuke; Tsunade > Sakura; Jaiyra > Naruto).
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania

Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Apr 13, 2004 5:27 am

They are losers who are still almost a week away from them (Hinata was quite right in saying they couldn't possibly have reached them). Assumably our protagonists return to Leaf Village, and about a week later the assorted low-level shinobi (and non-shinobi) arrive and are annihilated when the attempt to attack the Hidden Leaf.
User avatar
uc pseudonym
 
Posts: 15506
Joined: Tue Jun 10, 2003 4:00 am
Location: Tanzania


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 129 guests