Working on a Christian sci-fi dealing with the occult

[Black Noise]

Hey.

For years, I've been developing this plot for a space opera saga (If you've seen my other thread, it's progressed a long way since then).
Basically, in it my main character is fatally wounded and, to save his life, becomes host to an alien artefact that not only heals his wound but gives him superhuman abilities including enhanced strength, reflexes and telekinesis. As a result, a secret government agent captures him by holding his friends hostage to force him to surrender but they make a miraculous escape and scatter across the galaxy.
So the story begins with him searching the galaxy for his missing friends while adapting to his new powers.

The issue I'm facing is that I planned my story to be a sort of deconstruction of plots where the main hero saves the day by learning how to control supernatural powers for the greater good and becomes a messiah to protect mankind. Here, the hero's occult powers, while seeming to be either a tool of good or a neutral power wielded by both heroes and villains alike at first, turns out to have a more sinister truth behind it...

SPOILER: Highlight text to read: To start off, there are other artefact hosts scattered around the galaxy and that these relics are actually pieces of a whole. In order for a host to advance his powers, he needs to accumulate more shards and the only way a bonded shard can be removed from its host is for the host to die. So we have a kind of intergalactic battle royale between these psychic-powered hosts killing each other until only one god-like psychic is left standing.

This brings tension between the hero and his companions who, in desperation or thirst for power, take shards of their own and develop their own powers as they eventually turn on each other.
What's worse is that as a host learns to control and advance his powers through practise and meditation, the shard begins sucking away his personality, memories and feelings. But that won't be apparent as the hosts psyche actually blends with the fragmented minds of previous hosts stored in his/her shard. Near the end of the story, it turns out the artefact is a conduit between the human world and a hellish dimension where a demonic entity is sealed and is gradually possessing the hosts through it, using the drained psyches as a disguise.

It's ultimate plan is to reassemble the artefact so it can channel its full power through a single host, with which it plans to use as a puppet to rule the human race as a god emperor, which it
successfully does with the hero!

So it's up to whoever is left of his friends (Many of whom he, under demon influence, already killed) to find a way to exorcise the hero of the artefact without killing him, destroy it and end the demon's reign once and for all, which they ultimately manage to do with the help of a Biblical creator God who is the source of all good in my setting.

Sound good?

Well, this is where the problem comes in.
SPOILER: Highlight text to read: My story is going to be a saga broken up into three or four big chapters.
The revelation behind the magic alien artefact only comes in either Part Two or Three. The preceding chapters play out as if the occult-powered hero is in the right, so
I've been trying to come up with ways to subtly clue in the fact these powers are bad (Despite the fact he's going to relying on them to survive and even win over many of the ordeals he and his companions face) and into the overall Biblical message.

For example, one of the hero's companions is a devoted follower of a faith that worships the Creator God and, having grown up on Biblical-like teachings, disapproves of her friend's use of his powers but joins him anyway to help find their friends. Along the way, she acts as a confidante to him in that she tries to sway him to resort to more material or mundane means to solve their problems while enduring distrust and persecution from another of his new companions, who is a psychic-powered host like him.

Also, for symbolism's sake, a hosts shard can be seen residing within his/her right hand but relocates to his/her forehead when the devil takes full control of him (referencing the Mark of the Beast in the Book of Revelation) and that when a host dies, his/her body literally withers away into dust (A reference to God telling Adam and Eve they will return to dust, after they ate the Forbidden Fruit).

That's the gist of it. So I wonder if anyone has any ideas?
Is this a good story idea to tell? Despite my idea for the ironic twist, is my story going to inadvertently encourage people to seek after the occult?
Is there even a right way to tell this kind of plot?

Any feedback is much appreciated.
Thanks.

[John_Smith]

Hey.

Hey.

Is this a good story idea to tell?
Is there even a right way to tell this kind of plot?

First of all, yes. Absolutely. In fact, there’s more than one “right way” to tell this kind of plot. I like this idea, and I hope you flesh it out.

Despite my idea for the ironic twist, is my story going to inadvertently encourage people to seek after the occult?

Encourage?… probably. No matter how bad you make the occult seem, there’ll be those who’ll find an allure to it. However, I must ask this question back: which is better, to be introduced to the occult with no warnings attached, or to be introduced to the occult with all the warnings? Some will head the danger signs, others won’t. You can’t control that, but you can be the one to offer the warning in the first place.

That being said, this is coming from a Christian who reads/watches Harry Potter without batting an eye.




So, the rest of this are just some of my ideas and thoughts. You don’t have to follow any of it. It’s your story.

I don't think I ever heard of Christians getting possessed, by demons or otherwise thanks to the Holy Spirit's protection.

For example, one of the hero's companions is a devoted follower of a faith that worships the Creator God and, having grown up on Biblical-like teachings, disapproves of her friend's use of his powers but joins him anyway to help find their friends. Along the way, she acts as a confidante to him in that she tries to sway him to resort to more material or mundane means to solve their problems while enduring distrust and persecution from another of his new companions, who is a psychic-powered host like him.

Does she have to be a Christian? Why not just someone who just grew up in the church and parroted what she was taught without actually being serious? So, this journey would force her to come to terms with what she actually believes (and, likely, take the necessary steps to have genuine faith).
Also, I personally would like to see this character get to the point where she’s forced to somehow she has use one of the artifacts to save the others, right while she’s still trying to figure her faith out. Once then, perhaps she could say, ‘You know what, I was wrong about all of this. These artifacts are okay after all.’ That’s when you pull out the plot twist.

The issue I'm facing is that I planned my story to be a sort of deconstruction of plots where the main hero saves the day by learning how to control supernatural powers for the greater good and becomes a messiah to protect mankind. Here, the hero's occult powers, while seeming to be either a tool of good or a neutral power wielded by both heroes and villains alike at first, turns out to have a more sinister truth behind it...

SPOILER: Highlight text to read: To start off, there are other artefact hosts scattered around the galaxy and that these relics are actually pieces of a whole. In order for a host to advance his powers, he needs to accumulate more shards and the only way a bonded shard can be removed from its host is for the host to die. So we have a kind of intergalactic battle royale between these psychic-powered hosts killing each other until only one god-like psychic is left standing.

This brings tension between the hero and his companions who, in desperation or thirst for power, take shards of their own and develop their own powers as they eventually turn on each other.
What's worse is that as a host learns to control and advance his powers through practise and meditation, the shard begins sucking away his personality, memories and feelings. But that won't be apparent as the hosts psyche actually blends with the fragmented minds of previous hosts stored in his/her shard. Near the end of the story, it turns out the artefact is a conduit between the human world and a hellish dimension where a demonic entity is sealed and is gradually possessing the hosts through it, using the drained psyches as a disguise.

So, you only gave us so much information, so maybe you already know this stuff, but the main character needs more detail. The audience should be able to connect to him, and understand a little bit of his personality before he come into contact with the artifact. And a part that would mean that both his bad and good sides should already be shown that early on. So he rushes out to save he friends? Find some way, in mundane life, to prove to us that he could be the kind of person to do that, rather than simply running. Show, not tell. Furthermore, his bad side. I think, the artifact should simply amplify the the negative personality traits of the host. We are sinful creatures by nature, are we not? Satan simply tempts us with what we already long for. So, I suggest the same thing: find a way, in mundane life, to show a part of him that’s less than desirable, the same trait that, when under the influence of the shard, SPOILER: Highlight text to read: leads him to kill his friends.

As a result, a secret government agent captures him by holding his friends hostage to force him to surrender but they make a miraculous escape and scatter across the galaxy.

Are your main characters teenagers? Then why has this agency kidnapped his friends and not his family? In the earlier drafts of my own work, many of my test readers were confused by the age of my main characters. The confusion drove me crazy enough to make it over the top obvious how old the characters are right from the beginning.
Also, even if these details aren’t important enough to make it into the books, figure out more about this government agency. Don’t make them unoriginal men-in-black stand-ins. When were they formed? What’s their budget? How much do they know? How large of an organization are they? Are there any historic events that they’ve had a hand in? Also, each agent should have his or her own personality. Each one has his own reason for taking such a dubious career, his own speciality, etc.

My story is going to be a saga broken up into three or four big chapters.

In my personal experience, it’s better to start small. One regret I have about my writing ‘career,’ is that I started out with a huge and ambitious project, that, almost ten years later, still hasn’t been finished. It’s difficult to make your magnum opus if you’re still trying to get down the basics (which I still am).




Lastly, I suggest researching into the occult, in order to have a real life basis for your writing. If this makes you uncomfortable, then you should perhaps try to find books written from a Christian perspective on the occult.