First opinions

[Hitokiri]

Hey, some of you may recall a manga I am doing called "White Day". Well...I am spearheading the project now since my friend gave me the story and I have finished the first page entirely. I few cleanups here and there but is ready.

i wanted to get some opinions from you guys on how the first page looks.

first page final

Please leave opinions

[That Dude]

Not bad...Could use more work and shading but all in all it's pretty good.

[Cap'n Nick]

Comics! Woohoo! Now for Constructive Criticismâ„¢!!!

-The monologue seems as though it picks up in the middle. Is there another page before this one?
-The situation doesn't strike me as particularly "Shinji-esque," but I appreciate the reference.
-Is there a particular reason for the page size you're using? It doesn't look like standard manga or printer paper size but it doesn't appear to be proportioned to a computer monitor either.
-Family conflict! Hooray!
-I like the shadow in the middle frame. It really fits the mood of the monologue somehow.
-Heehee, "pressing matters."
-I figured this out in the end, but the vast changes in facial proportions made it a little unclear that the same character was delivering all of the lines. The middle frame was especially confusing because the line about the sister coupled with the vast difference in forehead size from the previous panel made me think that it was the sister that was being shown.
-I like the clean frame lines you put in. I struggled many hours figuring out how to do that. What do you do to scan your work? Maybe we could compare notes.

Good premise. Keep 'em coming.

[Hitokiri]

Indeed thier is a first page to this that I use the first page of the Evangelion manga to base it of from.

I wanted to ask you bout the page size issue. What is a good size for it? I intend to but this online on my site and I want it to be big enough to read and scroll but not to big that you get lost in the pic.

As for the middle frame, I will redraw ths speech bubble so you know he's talking.

As for the clean lines, I do the layout via computer. I print it out. do the drawing. Scan it back in the computer and soften the lines a bit...which softens the panel lines as well. I clean up markings, etc and do the landscaping through computer (for instance bottom panel 2B background was done through the computer). Since the panels soften when I soften th elines, I redraw the panels without any fill so they are darker.

Also, it reads traditonal manga cause I like it that way.

[Cap'n Nick]

I've been using 650 by 900 pixels lately and that's been working well. It's the same proportions as a piece of printer paper (with one inch margins) and you can read it on just about any monitor without having to scroll horizontally.

Here's how I've been doing things lately:

-Rough layout in photo pencil. This includes frame lines and content.
-Clean up, ink panel content but leave panel lines uninked.
-Scan. I've had good luck at 150 DPI grayscale with the gamma correction toned down a notch so it doesn't pick up as much noise. I hear higher res in pure black and white is also good but I never quite got that going the way I liked it.
-Hopefully the photo pencil was mostly transparent to the scanner and I've just got ink lines. Touch-up with eraser. Mess with levels to make my lines pure black and my background pure white. Erase any remaining artifacts.
-Add pure black frame lines and word balloons. Because these things were not drawn solidly in the original this sometimes requires some extending or erasing to get all of the lines to match up. But, it gives the comic a good crisp look. This would also be a good point to add computer backgrounds or any other shapes that would benefit from a more geometric look.
-Color and shading if I feel like it.
-Resize, change resolution, and compress for web.

So, not all that different. The main thing is there is a point when I have panel content but no frames scanned in so I can darken or soften the lines without affecting the frames. The scanner method isn't perfect but it's pretty good and sometimes I can get away with skipping cleanup if I just adjust the levels. I also only have to scan once, but I'm still drawing the frames twice, in a way.

When you say "traditional manga," do you mean right to left? The words on this page are such that it honestly could go either way.

EDIT: Never mind. I see now that you do mean right to left.

[Mave]

Hi Hitokiri

Panel: Just fine, clean and crisp
Inking: I personally prefer solid outlines on the characters. You may think otherwise. Your choice
Script: A little disjointed but then again, if there is supposed to be another page before this one....forget this comment
Background: I may be a little nitpicky on this...do not hesitate to fill the background with line effects, screentones or some background drawing
Text: Good font, try to give some space between the text and speech bubble outline consistently
Speech bubbles: Good overall. I recommend your spread out your text a little more vertically in the top left panel so the speech bubble doesn't spill over the borders of the panel.

Great attempt, Hitokiri! I can tell you're improving alot. ^_^

[Hitokiri]

Thanks guys! Your comments really help.