CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

I've noticed among many married people with children that they tend to love their children more than they love each other. They rarely take time out for each other or go on any sort of "dates." Then there are some married people that you can definitely tell they put each others' needs before that of their kids.

I have noticed that in the latter case, the marriage in general seems to be a lot healthier.

But with the former case, people often look at that relationship and say, "It seems like the only reason they are together is because of their kids. They don't even seem to like each other anymore." It also seems like there is a lot more conflict in that relationship over different parenting techniques.

Of course, this may just be me. What do you guys think? Should partners/spouses "love" each other more than their kids or should it be the other way around?

There should be balance. There should be mutual love and respect between the 2 parents as well as each of them giving the love, attention, and affection the kids need.

^that. I'm not sure it's necessary to quantify how much one loves one's spouse as compared with one's children, but it definitely gets out of balance when parents dedicate everything to their kids without considering their partner's needs or feelings. One of the best ways to show love for one's kids and provide the best family environment for them is to continue to give your spouse the love and attention that he/she needs. A good marriage = a more stable family. A stressed marriage = a stressed family. Parents set the tone for the entire household.
I've known of parents who would actually tell their kids, "I love your mother more than I love you," but I don't think that's entirely necessary. Just show your kids that you love each other, and that you love them as well, and it will balance out.

Yuki-Anne wrote:I've known of parents who would actually tell their kids, "I love your mother more than I love you," but I don't think that's entirely necessary. Just show your kids that you love each other, and that you love them as well, and it will balance out.

Yeah that seems a bit over the top. Balance is obviously important.

Of course this is coming from me. and I am very unsure about whether or not I even want or should have kids so take whatever I say with a grain of salt.

Something to add. The highest divorce rates are amongst couples who have finished raising their kids. I think it's a very good idea for spouses to ensure that their partner still knows they are loved.

SierraLea wrote:The highest divorce rates are amongst couples who have finished raising their kids.

Source.

Man this thread title made me think of something way different than what it actually was.

Like Xeno said, source.

I know this to be the case with my parents and my wife's parents - not sure if it's just something that was common to the Chinese culture of the previous generation.

Now that we have both moved out of our parents' homes though, they have more time for each other.

But because of what we observed growing up, my wife and I made a conscious decision together before our daughter was born to make time for each other after she arrived.

So far it's working out well - we spend time playing with our daughter but also spend time with each other.

Sammy Boy wrote:I know this to be the case with my parents and my wife's parents - not sure if it's just something that was common to the Chinese culture of the previous generation.

Now that we have both moved out of our parents' homes though, they have more time for each other.

But because of what we observed growing up, my wife and I made a conscious decision together before our daughter was born to make time for each other after she arrived.

So far it's working out well - we spend time playing with our daughter but also spend time with each other.

That sounds like a good balance.



As for my opinion, I honestly don't know if I have one. My mom only ever really had to make time for me, because her ex left us before I was born. He tried to resurface for awhile, but even though he tried to "prove" that he'd changed, he made it obvious that my feelings were less important than his and he valued his wife more than me, even though he was trying to "win me over". It did make me feel unloved/unimportant to him, but since he was never really a part of my life before all this happened, I'm not sure if that'd count as an answer you're looking for. I will admit that I've enjoyed reading the opinions of others in this thread, though... Definitely helps me see things from the perspective I wish I could've experienced. Thank you so much!