CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Dear Women of the World,

Hello my name is Yamamaya and I would like to talk to you about something very important. It's called, "reading too much into it." By "it" I mean just about anything under the sun. You can fill in the blank with something.
There is an unfortunate practice among many women of reading quite riduculous things into the most simple of comments from men. Oftentimes, you take the worst possible interpretation of our words and then demand for clarification. This causes quite a lot of discomfort in males and can quickly kill any romantic mood.

Thus, I ask you to please hold back on this practice or at least stop yourself when you start to do it.

Thank you.

With Regards,

Yamamaya.

I don't just do that to men, I do it to other women as well. See? I don't discriminate. If I don't completley understand your statement of course I am going to demand clarification. For I am a demanding person.

I'm a man, but I can change. If I have to. I guess...

As far as I knew that is just how girls are, Yama. As far as romantic mood? Uh, there are things to say that doesn't give to reading in to. And if they still read into it, that just means they need a little more life experience. n_n

I await the response letter that asks men to stop generalizing.

I've had the reverse experience, actually. The girl would say something very simple, and then later would wonder why one earth I took her at her word for it, instead of knowing that she actually meant something quite different.

For instance, when talking about pizza: "I like pepperoni."

2 hours later: "Why didn't you order pizza when I asked you to?"
Me: "You didn't." Her: "When we were talking about pizza earlier!" Me: "No, I'm pretty sure you didn't." Her: "Oh, I didn't ask directly, but that's what I meant when I said that I like pepperoni." Me: "..."

No joke, this actually happened, and no, it wasn't a joke and it happened with everything from pizza to me not realizing that she was considering the hangout we had the previous week to be a date.

This is not a joke, this actually happened.

And what is the meaning of this thread?

Cognitive Gear (post: 1513115) wrote:I await the response letter that asks men to stop generalizing.

I've had the reverse experience, actually. The girl would say something very simple, and then later would wonder why one earth I took her at her word for it, instead of knowing that she actually meant something quite different.

For instance, when talking about pizza: "I like pepperoni."

2 hours later: "Why didn't you order pizza when I asked you to?"
Me: "You didn't." Her: "When we were talking about pizza earlier!" Me: "No, I'm pretty sure you didn't." Her: "Oh, I didn't ask directly, but that's what I meant when I said that I like pepperoni." Me: "..."

No joke, this actually happened, and no, it wasn't a joke and it happened with everything from pizza to me not realizing that she was considering the hangout we had the previous week to be a date.

This is not a joke, this actually happened.

An excellent example of this principle at work except in the reverse direction.

Certain women expect males to read just as much into their simple statements as they do into ours.

Newflash: Not all women do this.

Rusty Claymore (post: 1513114) wrote:I'm a man, but I can change. If I have to. I guess...

YES! RED GREEN SHOW! \o.o/
That is all I have to say.

Neane (post: 1513116) wrote:And what is the meaning of this thread?

Quoted for emphasis.

Us guys can just as easily read too much into something a woman says. Stop generalizing.

Xeno (post: 1513128) wrote:Quoted for emphasis.

Us guys can just as easily read too much into something a woman says. Stop generalizing.

Not all women do this, but many do.

In my experience, moreso than males.

Yamamaya (post: 1513130) wrote:Not all women do this, but many do.

In my experience, moreso than males.

Perhaps that is the case, but don't make a PSA based off just your own personal experiences. Both genders read into stuff too much, both genders say things meaning more than what they say. You've experienced women do it more than men, but I'm sure there are plenty of women who have experienced men do it more than women.

This isn't much different than me saying something along the lines of "most of the Jews I have encountered like money" or "most of the black people I know like chicken and are thugs" (these are examples, not actual statements of fact). And so I announce to everyone I know that if you're going somewhere that has a lot of Jews that you take a lot of money with you because they'll rob you blind, or if you're going somewhere that has a lot of black people to take chicken so that they'll be distracted and not try to mug you.

This thread actually seems pretty rude to me. Not all women just assume things. Why would you even post this here on CAA?

Maybe it's just cause girls are more perceptive than guys.

I know I'm pretty stupid but I don't read too much into things.

K. Ayato (post: 1513120) wrote:Newflash: Not all women do this.

QFT

Yama, you use words such as "certain women" and "many do" from your own personal experience. Honestly, if you're just upset at one or two girls, stop blaming the rest of us for it and wait for them to grow up. This isn't an all or nothing thing, people grow and change. And some girls don't even do this at all as they grow up.
Assuming you're a people person, you probably know (rounding up) around 3,000 females, give or take. How is that any sort of representation of the approximate 3,000,000,000+ women in the whole world? It's a small one (1/1,000,000) to be sure, and by far not one large enough to draw such steep conclusions.

Take your own advice and stop reading to much into things, bro. XP

I have a brother, and while he has learned what sigh I give means I'm going to be asking for help in two seconds, I know that the vast majority of the time I need to be blunt about what I want and am feeling. I don't play those games unless I'm teasing someone.

/assumes that Yama doesn't really think all women are like that.

I try not to read too much into things myself. Though, I've never been in a relationship to really find out.

I'm going to go ahead and ask this thread to be closed. Atm, it appears to be causing more hurt feelings than anything else, and that wasn't my intention.

I apologize.

Cognitive Gear (post: 1513115) wrote:I await the response letter that asks men to stop generalizing.

I've had the reverse experience, actually. The girl would say something very simple, and then later would wonder why one earth I took her at her word for it, instead of knowing that she actually meant something quite different.

For instance, when talking about pizza: "I like pepperoni."

2 hours later: "Why didn't you order pizza when I asked you to?"
Me: "You didn't." Her: "When we were talking about pizza earlier!" Me: "No, I'm pretty sure you didn't." Her: "Oh, I didn't ask directly, but that's what I meant when I said that I like pepperoni." Me: "..."

No joke, this actually happened, and no, it wasn't a joke and it happened with everything from pizza to me not realizing that she was considering the hangout we had the previous week to be a date.

This is not a joke, this actually happened.

This is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard in my life. XDD I've never really known someone to be THAT vague with what they say or perceive from others. XD That seems more like living in an alternate reality than anything. XD

As for the OP, I think it is a pretty huge generalization to assume that every woman overanalyzes the things you say. More importantly though, I think it's a little unfair (read: that's an understatement) to demand that women change the way you believe them to be wired, without offering any changes yourself. Maybe women misunderstand the things you say because you aren't communicating efficiently enough. Or maybe women are perceiving the things you say in a different light than you intend because you just weren't thinking about how you were communicating in other factors, like body language, tone of voice, etc. (we do pay attention to all those factors).

If women are guilty of overanalysis, maybe men (not all men, lest I make a terrible generalization) are guilty of not understanding the way women are wired to think and operate. What needs to happen is not a core change in either gender, but a willingness to understand the way another person thinks and feels, and then to keep that in mind when you interact with that individual. This is regardless of whether you're a woman who needs to remember to take the things your male friends say at face value sometimes, or if you're a man who needs to remember to communicate more effectively with your female friends, to keep from causing any unwanted confusion. Communication is a two-way street, and misunderstandings come when both sides are failing to do it properly, not only when a woman is being "unreasonable (and that's a whole different issue that I won't get into here XD)."

EDIT: Also, to be clear, there are certainly no hurt feelings on my end (I may be a woman, but unlike many generalizations would say, I don't get my feelings hurt at the drop of a hat XD). FWIW, I think this is a good conversation to have. Understanding communication is important in any society, and hashing out the differences between the ways men and women think probably is a good thing to discuss, IMO.

Miscommunication happens with both genders, but I have noticed that a lot of women tend to expect men to read their minds. It's better to just come out and say what you want instead of expecting the other person to just figure it out on their own.

For the record, I wasn't offended in any way by what you said, Yama. I read it as being mostly sarcastic and written in the heat of the moment, but I didn't find it offensive.

It's okay ladies, men are such jerks.

ShiroiHikari (post: 1513176) wrote:Miscommunication happens with both genders, but I have noticed that a lot of women tend to expect men to read their minds. It's better to just come out and say what you want instead of expecting the other person to just figure it out on their own.

For the record, I wasn't offended in any way by what you said, Yama. I read it as being mostly sarcastic and written in the heat of the moment, but I didn't find it offensive.

Exactly, and I believe you learn this even moreso when you've been in a longterm relationship, such as marriage.

aliveinHim (post: 1513148) wrote:I know I'm pretty stupid but I don't read too much into things.

Your not stupid sis. Your just......creative. ^^ Besides, you bother me enough as it is and it seems that I enjoy your bothersome behavior. XP So please. Keep up the good work.

Radical Dreamer (post: 1513166) wrote:This is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard in my life. XDD I've never really known someone to be THAT vague with what they say or perceive from others. XD That seems more like living in an alternate reality than anything. XD

As for the OP, I think it is a pretty huge generalization to assume that every woman overanalyzes the things you say. More importantly though, I think it's a little unfair (read: that's an understatement) to demand that women change the way you believe them to be wired, without offering any changes yourself. Maybe women misunderstand the things you say because you aren't communicating efficiently enough. Or maybe women are perceiving the things you say in a different light than you intend because you just weren't thinking about how you were communicating in other factors, like body language, tone of voice, etc. (we do pay attention to all those factors).

If women are guilty of overanalysis, maybe men (not all men, lest I make a terrible generalization) are guilty of not understanding the way women are wired to think and operate. What needs to happen is not a core change in either gender, but a willingness to understand the way another person thinks and feels, and then to keep that in mind when you interact with that individual. This is regardless of whether you're a woman who needs to remember to take the things your male friends say at face value sometimes, or if you're a man who needs to remember to communicate more effectively with your female friends, to keep from causing any unwanted confusion. Communication is a two-way street, and misunderstandings come when both sides are failing to do it properly, not only when a woman is being "unreasonable (and that's a whole different issue that I won't get into here XD)."

Thank you. You said everything I was going to way more calmly than I would have. XD]http://www.amazon.com/You-Just-Dont-Understand-Conversation/dp/0060959622/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320182373&sr=8-1[/url]

Bottom line: men and women--in general--think and view conversation differently. It's not that women all maliciously think, "How can I twist this man's words in the worst way possible?" They really don't always get what guys are saying. And it's not that men think in such a painfully obvious way that gosh women must be stoopid or "complicated" or "weird" if they can't immediately pick up on it. The two genders are just wired so differently, that a simple question such as "Are you hungry?" can carry different meanings depending on the context, and who's asking who.

Radical Dreamer (post: 1513166) wrote:This is the most ridiculous story I have ever heard in my life. XDD I've never really known someone to be THAT vague with what they say or perceive from others. XD That seems more like living in an alternate reality than anything. XD

It really was. You have no idea how frustrating it was. On the positive side, though, the difficulty of the experience thoroughly removed the generalizations I had about women. It was such an over dramatized version of the stereotype that I finally realized that there are just a few socially inept people running around creating loud stereotypes for everyone.

If women are guilty of overanalysis, maybe men (not all men, lest I make a terrible generalization) are guilty of not understanding the way women are wired to think and operate. What needs to happen is not a core change in either gender, but a willingness to understand the way another person thinks and feels, and then to keep that in mind when you interact with that individual. This is regardless of whether you're a woman who needs to remember to take the things your male friends say at face value sometimes, or if you're a man who needs to remember to communicate more effectively with your female friends, to keep from causing any unwanted confusion. Communication is a two-way street, and misunderstandings come when both sides are failing to do it properly, not only when a woman is being "unreasonable (and that's a whole different issue that I won't get into here XD)."

Quoting for emphasis. For every frustrating time that someone reads too much into what you say, there is an equally frustrating experience on the other end, wondering why you used such vague words.

^ That looks like a good one, Fu! I also like the books

http://www.amazon.com/Guys-Are-Waffles-Girls-Spaghetti/dp/1400315166/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320183533&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/Female-Brain-Louann-Brizendine/dp/0767920104/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320183662&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Male-Brain-Louann-Brizendine-M-D/dp/0767927540/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320183679&sr=1-1

The last two go into the physical differences and changes the brain goes through at different stages in life as well as the neurochemistry that goes into things. It's pretty cool- they doesn't make it boring or read like a textbook, and I learned a lot about what was going on that explained the differences in communication. And what goes on at different stages of life (why things change- communication and life goals aren't static things)

Just for clarification, nowhere in my post did I say that ALL women do this.

I only named my thread, "A Note to All Women" to be sarcastic. Shiroi, you understood my intent the best. Thank you.

Men and women do have communication differences, but I would be more likely to agree with my interpersonal communications textbook that the differences aren't as much as, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus" as "Men are from North Dakota. Women are from South Dakota."

However, I would argue that generally women are more likely to interpret words and actions on a different level than men in casual conversation.

Yeah, men and women's brains are wired very differently, with most women being more detail-oriented, while guys tend to be more big-picture. Thus, during interactions between the sexes, this leads to misunderstandings, such as the reading too much into things that have no deeper meaning, or taking something at face value, when you should of peered a little deeper. Notice I used the words most and tends, meaning not all. There are plenty of extremely analyzing guys and pretty blunt women out there.

Yamamaya (post: 1513218) wrote:However, I would argue that generally women are more likely to interpret words and actions on a different level than men in casual conversation.

Facts Please?

Neane (post: 1513220) wrote:Facts Please?

Delicious copypasta.

Women are perceived as being more likely to verbalize their emotions and be attuned to the emotional meaning of a conversation or even just a look," says Dr. Scott Haltzman, Brown University psychiatry professor and the author of "Secrets of Happy Families."

"Men are more inclined to focus on using words, not as a tool to determine the emotionality of something, but to gather information."

http://www.qualityhealth.com/relationships-articles/men-women-how-emotions-perceived