CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

My mother and sister wish to run my life for me.

Now, I know that they have the right since I still live at home, although my living at home is not only because I can't live on my own on the money I make (drawing disability for depression)-it is because, they have told me, that they would starve and be homeless if I moved out and took my money with me.

Nevertheless, they say I spend too much time online and that people online don't matter (although one of my very best friends is someone I have met online at fanfiction.net as a fellow writer, and most of my online friendships have lasted longer than my offline friendships) They are hinting that they wish to limit my social activities to shopping with them and to throwing myself into church activities like Sunday school and the college group there.

I've tried to tell them that neither would work very well for me, but they refuse to listen and just say I need to try harder.

About the college-age Sunday school class, I have been there and been to a few social functions. At those, 70 to 80 percent of the class is people in the military or ROTC. There are few experiences more utterly uncomfortable than being an antiwar pacifist in a room given over to military shop talk LOL.

The other problems with the people my age at church is that most are quite conservative, and that our interests don't align at all.

For one example, my only anime fan "friend" is in that group. Anytime I say anything to her about what I like or try to start a discussion when we meet on AIM, she treats me like slime, complete with saying "yeahhh riiiggght" when I say anything about anything other than her personal favorite Digimon. ^sigh^ All other anime is "trash" and "pollution." Then, when we meet at church, she says she doesn't remember doing any of this. For now, I will assume that she suffers from selective amnesia.

It's not only anime and whatnot. For example, all of the women my age are your typical "girly girls." To a one, everyone wants to be a schoolteacher, a singer, and married with kids. They talk about things like shopping, clothes, school, cellphones, and who they are courting-that's it-and most look like they spend hours working on their hair and face.

Meanwhile, I'm the classic tomboy LOL. I want to be a journalist or an attorney, I have no plans for marriage and don't really like guys, I like discussing technology, books, travel, current events, pets, and anime among other things, and my idea of style is making sure my hair's washed and finding clean clothes and a pair of shoes that isn't falling apart too badly.
Hence, I have VERY little in common with them, and definitely not enough to even fit into the group-which I don't want to do anyway. I want to be myself.


I've asked if I could change churches even if someone else drove me to the other church-and that was met with a guilt trip and a small sermon about how when one thinks God has changed, that means the person has changed from my mother. I haven't brought up the topic since. ^sigh^

Anyway, this isn't the only problem. I proposed the idea of joining a few clubs or community service efforts when I go to college this fall, but that was ixnayed for being too much of an expense, and because my mother and sister say they want me to concentrate on my grades. They want straight As, and are threatening me with taking away my internet access entirely for "wasting my time online and not doing my work" unless I bring in perfect grades. They are also saying they want to supervise me doing my homework to make sure I'm responsible. ^sigh^ I don't really want to be chewed out for expressing my point of view in a school essay they insist on reading.

Also, they say they will not see me as "not naive" until I can take care of myself according to their standards: which means not only being an OK cook and financial manager like most people in their 20s, but being a great cook and someone who has everything financial already figured out. However. . .my very weakest places are cooking and finance. Unlike them, my memory works differently and I *don't* have a head for numbers or for planning and timing huge family feasts.

Lastly, my mother wants me to either get married or live with my sister all my life. ^sigh^ Neither appeals to me at all (I don't like guys and I don't really want to live my entire life with my sister so she can tell me what to do and punish me for not doing it by removing my internet access or sulking for days), nor do I see either as God's calling for my life.

Sorry for bothering all of you.

I dunno whether you're asking for prayer or advice, I'll definately pray for you. I'll relate a few experiences too.

In your position I would probably go insane. I'm a very independant individual, unfortunately I can't relate too well with your situation, because my family is all broken up now, and in the process I think a lot of the "careful parenting" stuff went straight out the window. Anyways ~

Nevertheless, they say I spend too much time online and that people online don't matter (although one of my very best friends is someone I have met online at fanfiction.net as a fellow writer, and most of my online friendships have lasted longer than my offline friendships) They are hinting that they wish to limit my social activities to shopping with them and to throwing myself into church activities like Sunday school and the college group there.

This is very easy for me to say, because since I moved to university I've gotten to know quite a lot of people (you'd have to hide under a bridge throughout the semester not to), but it might help to perhaps find a few new circles and make some new friends. I think that I spent way too much time in cyberspace over the summer last year, lol. I didn't really communicate with the outside world much (except to my mum/brothers who lived a few minutes away, and my housemates). I was working in this restuarant place, and I found it kinda hard dealing with people in the workplace, remembering names, and dealing with customers. I blame this on the internet in part (I think it makes you forgetful/lazy with conversation skills), but also because I didn't get out more. Using the internet chronically is no problem IMO, so long as you balance it with plenty of social life. (That might step on a few toes but it's good advice chaps!)

Finding a different church will DEFINATELY help, although it seems like you've already tried. In my town everything was in easy walking distance (40mins) and I tried many churches. My parents however, did not mind this. However this is your walk with God, and I really suggest that you do you best to get out there and take a butchers if at all possible.

it is because, they have told me, that they would starve and be homeless if I moved out and took my money with me.

I would be both surprised and very sad if that statement were made in true honesty. You must have a strong nerve to be able to continually deal with that kinda situation.

It's not only anime and whatnot. For example, all of the women my age are your typical "girly girls." To a one, everyone wants to be a schoolteacher, a singer, and married with kids.

That made me laugh, because it reminds me of a number of girls that I've met in the past. I don't think that you are the only one.

About college, do you leave home to go? Over here most students move to another town or city, and start a new way of life at university. Will you get that opportunity? Sounds like you need a break to me.

I always used to like those Christian retreat things where you go somewhere remote and make friends with a bunch of total strangers, its always good fun, and a nice way of getting away from it all, along with figuring out where your life is going with God. For some reason it seems easier to communicate with Him on these things (probably because you lose a lot of home comforts or something)

Pray loads anyway. I'll pray for you. That situation totally sucks

You're not the only one when it comes to being unable to fit in various groups.

THAT female group
I may be female but I'm hardly the one who worries about make up, fashion and shopping. I spend more time on manga/comics, Internet, CDS/mp3/music, action movies and games. My brother once commented that I shop like a guy. 0.o It still isn't easy to fit in gal groups who are (sorry to say this) stereotypically "female."

Church
I also did not fit in my Sunday School class in earlier years. A record: Absolutely zero true friends. Just the "hi, open bible, read, bye" type. I became a lone ranger Christian then. But God is good, I found a fellowship who appreciates honesty and down to earthness.

Anime
Few friends are anime fans as well but we have different tastes. I have not met a single friend who loves anime stuff and draws manga like me. sniff. oh wait, I already have cool talented artists friends of CAA!! yeaahh!

I only suggest changing churches if you're not growing and if you're moved by the Spirit. I'm also considering "moving on" coz my potential is not optimized and I don't feel I can reach out to others anymore. It's definitely something to think about with careful consideration.

It's all about Grades
erm...I got that too..ALOT. My strategy was to make sure my grades are so good that they'll leave me alone. And they did. I had to prove that I'm matured and responsible enough to not allow my internet and hobbies get in the way of my studies. I worked/studied very hard but it achieve the result I wanted.

I ask that you hang on to God for your strength and perseverance. Keep praying (I will too) for guidance and comfort from Him. Look at this as an opportunity for your faith to grow. Remember that God always has a purpose in everything. I've been there and learnt that it was a 'character molding' or rather "vine trimming" season. I am the person that I am today, only because of His Mercy and Grace. May His Will be done in your life. Be strong and hang on to Jesus.

I don't fit into the "girly girl" group either. However, I do like to shop and talk about clothes, and I want to get married. ^_^;

Also, I have never really fit in at any church I've been to. Like, at the church we're going to now, the only class for people my age is the "college" class. I don't go to college yet XO

Jeez...I really don't know what to tell you. I'd say screw what your parents think and make your way into the world regardless, but I guess that's kinda violating a commandment. Then again, you are an adult. Hrm...it's difficult. It seems like a lot of people have this problem nowadays.

well, in my house it's a bit different. i'm actually the one urging to stay and my parents are ones that want to kick me out. i'm going to live on until i go to uni then and only then get out, after depleting all their resources. am i being mean? no, i still love my parents. but they somehow know all sorts of sides of ideas (yes, they've been through hard life indeed) and knows exactly what i want.

Mum: Lorentz, will you PLEASE get out of the house soon?
Lorentz: After uni, like i always said.
Dad: But you're eating all the food! And your mum and I want to go on a holiday soon, and NOT having to earn for you and your sister.
Lorentz: Hey, i'll move out later, alright?
Both parents: *sigh*
Sis: *uses internet in the background*
Lorentz: **** it sis! Gimme back the internet.
Sis: But it's mine for the next few hours!
Lorentz: Fine then, I'm gonna go and play me some games. *walks off*
Both parents: *still sighing*

it works out.

oh, and the church. i was originally a catholic denomination. and i was for a while. but i realised those catholic churches i went were not what i thought of what God would want a primary school kid to do; stay in a basement with -20C temperature, memorising Bible verses for use i'll never know. by the time i was few years in Australia, i changed over to prebysterian, following my cousin's path. and i never looked back. i love my church, and i'll never change, unless i move away.

and school grades. oh i have a lot to talk about this. but i'll be ranting then, so i shouldn't. i'll just say i wish they'd use REAL computers when doing a computers test. 1/3 of my subjects involve computers all the time (wish that was 1/2, but then i'd be giving up chemistry, which is more fun that fixing computer parts. i ain't going to be a computer salesman.) so i know the pain of having to use a pencil to solve a programming problem. and essays in english. oh yeah. i write pages and pages of what i think about that book and i get just over pass mark. no spelling errors, no grammatical errors, just a few problems with ideas. what ideas, my teacher makes things up on the spot on texts and HE gets to be a teacher. gees, what a sad world this is.

and on memory part, i can never remember people's names. or their phone numbers, nor their birthdays. never. absolutely never, unless i see them everyday or something. if i'm not careful, i'll forget my own name and my own phone and address. happened few times before; i never use my own phone number so i always forget it. yet for some reason i can remember pictures well. or music. not what each and every chords, but i can remember the exactly how that song went, including background drums and other instruments being played. kinda like a whole mp3 player in my head.

so millyfan, don't worry so much about what parents think of you. they are people too, and they aren't flawless. you can argue back that why they are in their position and not something better, and if they want you to do better they're just being hypocrits. don't worry about having to choose which church to go to just because of friends issues. don't worry about grades; life isn't all grades, amount of happyness is. most important of all, worry about the relation with God all the time, and live for God, which usually is path you'll enjoy the most for your life anyway.

[/end rantage at 2:30am]

I think it's magnified, too, by appearing to have no way out. Cutting the strings is simple, it's just not very easy.

I'll definitely keep you in prayer, too.

well, in my house it's a bit different. i'm actually the one urging to stay and my parents are ones that want to kick me out.

Pretty much my situation. At the end of the day, I was kicked out involuntarily, but I'm glad of it now. I got a taste of independance before I moved to university, even though the financial problems damaged my grades - exam revision time was difficult to find, and this combined with my lazy attitude to study. I thing the grade damage was intended by God because he wanted me in Manchester, instead of Edinburgh (which was where I originally intended to study)

Everything happens for a purpose. God has amazing plans tailored for you, and cheesy though it may sound, there is definately a light at the end of the tunnel!

We were generally expected to be independent in my family, and to make our own decisions about things. My parents still supported us when we needed it of course, but with five kids it was often limited. Since all of us have been high acheivers in our chosen fields, its all worked out.

Ultimately, asserting your independance is a good thing at your age. And this includes matters of religion (which should be a purely personal sffair in any case).

edit: Edinburgh...cool.

MillyFan wrote:Lastly, my mother wants me to either get married or live with my sister all my life. ^sigh^ Neither appeals to me at all (I don't like guys and I don't really want to live my entire life with my sister so she can tell me what to do and punish me for not doing it by removing my internet access or sulking for days), nor do I see either as God's calling for my life.

Sorry for bothering all of you.

First off, it's never a "bother." ]very[/i] careful how I word this) at 20, you're no longer a child. There are decisions that your parents can no longer make for you - no matter how much they'd like to.

Also, they say they will not see me as "not naive" until I can take care of myself according to their standards: which means not only being an OK cook and financial manager like most people in their 20s, but being a great cook and someone who has everything financial already figured out. However. . .my very weakest places are cooking and finance. Unlike them, my memory works differently and I *don't* have a head for numbers or for planning and timing huge family feasts.

Hot pockets. *nods* Stroke of genius, they really are. But really, the cooking thing will come. I'm not saying you'll be a master chef or be able to put together a full Thanksgiving meal, but you will begin to improve when you realize that macaroni and cheese and frozen waffles just won't cut it forever. Trust me on this one.

For finances - *raises hand* I'm not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to money. I've had to learn some things the hard way. I'm still learning. However, there are certain steps you can take. Go to a seminar, or there's a handful of good books on money matters. (Dry reading, I assure you, but you'll retain the important parts.) Mostly what it all comes down to is common sense. Understand what you can afford, build a small safety net apart from your normal savings - then don't touch it unless you're going to trip on a bill or your car spontaneously combusts or something. Don't be afraid to set up a budget for even the frivolous things (such as anime or eating out) - just put it in perspective of what you can truly afford.

But I'll certainly be praying about this. Keep us updated, k?

Hi Milly! Wow, what a situation. I can sympathize with your difficulty in making friends.... I can't identify with "girly girls" either. It's hard for me to make friends with other women for that reason. When you go to college, you will most likely find some other women you have things in common with, as you will meet lots of new people.

Hmmm... It's hard to believe that your family would really be out on the streets if they don't have your income. And that's a really rotten way to keep you around, IMHO. Mothers are great at guilt trips... but that's going way too far.

Respect your parents... but I think you need to start looking for a way to get out on your own. College should help with that, some.

As you implied, it is God's plan for your life that matters, and not your mother's.

LOL, my sister has told me that she really doesn't want me to make friends at college because she is afraid they'll lead me away from God. She's sort of suspicious of people not in our family or, at least, who are not Baptists. ^sigh^

She's afraid I might start drinking or smoking or something. I'd never do either. I hate both.

Yeah, friends are always bad people who are out to subvert your faith. I think there are some deeper issues going on here... seems to me she's afraid she'll lose control over you.

But I'm not a psychologist.

LOL, I think the same thing sometimes.

I was able to win some concessions in talking: Basically, I can do my homework without supervision and not face consequences like loss of being online as long as my grades do not drop below B+'s.

However, she and my mother are both thoroughly convinced that I am somehow drifting from the church and are insisting that I go to that class, do all the church activities, and that if I just change a few things, I can have as many friends as I want there. ^sigh^ They think my wish to look at other churches, *especially* since I don't have a specific church of their liking defined, is a sign of my "drifting."

I don't want to have to pretend to be someone I'm not to establish friendships I don't really want in the first place. The best friendships I've ever had and do have have grown out of mutual respect and a few things in common-not out of playing the popularity game. I want to keep things that way.

Anyway. . .not that they would ever believe it, but I'm actually concerned for my spiritual life despite being a liberal in some ways. I still read three chapters of the Bible a day, before I do almost anything else. I still pray every night unless I'm sick, asleep, or in the case of an emergency (in which case I pray a lot more LOL), even if I can't manage an hour of prayer. I tithe to the church. I do my best to help others online-in fact, I think I can do more online than what my mother considers "actually" helping: going to church outreach activities every two weeks.

I don't smoke, drink, party, commit crimes, steal, do drugs, use bad language, intentionally start fights with anyone in the family, or even dress immodestly (LOL, one benefit to my lack of "style"), and as I've stated before, I'm not into guys and I'm a celibate.

I'm sorry if that sounded like bragging about righteousness: I know that, for every good thing listed there, there's some horrible thing, that my heart is nothing but deceitful, and that I'm mere fodder for the flames aside from God having mercy on my soul through Jesus Christ.

My point is. . .that I'm not "drifting," and I wish they could see that.

Awwwww.

My parents also hate it when I get on the internet, and they hate anime also. The funny thing to me is that most of my friends are online so much more than me. Dealing with parents can be a delicate subject, because at one point, we are supposed to respect and honor them, but then at times they are just dead wrong and too controlling. So I will pray that your situation works out to the glory of God all for the best. God will get you through.

Volt, your post is HIGHLY offensive and has been reported. How dare you even joke about that?

Milly-I can relate to a lot of what you're talking about. That said, much of what I would say has been said by others, but this I will say: Be very careful and very sure that God wants you to switch congregations. When we no longer feel like we're growing spiritually, that does not automatically mean that the problem is with others. Early Christians called this sort of luke-warmness toward matters of the spirit "sloth," or "the noonday demon." (I don't say this to insult you--I am guilty of it as much as anyone.)

Regarding Christian fellowship while you're at college, if your church does not have many people your own age, I highly suggest getting involved with a Christian organization like InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, Campus Crusade for Christ, or The Navigators. (I personally have been involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship for four years now.)

I'll be praying for you, sister.

Tell your sister to learn how to cook, then tel her to get a job,
THEN get your own place close to a church thats nice and has some nice ppl to interact with.
sry im not really a advice giver,
but ill pray that God will lead you the way you need to go, if you want.

For some reason my last post didn't stick. Oh well.

Most of what I would say has already been said by others, but one thing that hasn't been said: be very careful and be very sure that God wants you to leave your congregation before doing so. When we don't feel we're growing spiritually, a lot of times we blame it on others when the real problem is our own spiritual lukewarmness. Early Christians called it 'the noonday demon,' and 'sloth.' (I don't say this to insult--I'm as guilty as anyone--and I'm not saying that you don't have a legitimate reason to move to a new congregation. Just be sure that this is what God wants, first.)

As far as Christian fellowship one's own age, I would highly suggest involvement in campus ministries like InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, Campus Crusade for Christ, or The Navigators (all interdenominational). I myself have been involved in InterVarsity for four years now. It's been a tremendous help knowing that there are Christian brothers and sisters easily accessible who are going through the same experiences as I have.

Ack. Interesting. Last I saw, my post had vanished on me but ZiP's was there.

(Eh heh, Grammarian check your pm inbox. )

eh, nlebby wubby to dweeble!?
we posted at the same time.

I don't really have any advice to give you, Milly Fan, but I will pray for you...