CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

My sister Michelle is 11 years old. Her self asteem amd self confidence is extremely low and she gets deppressed alot sometimes and has even taken to self destrucive behavior when she makes mistakes or is disapointed in herself. It's very hard for me to type this right now, she's a very special person in my life and it really hurts me to think that she has trouble loving herself and that she sometimes perposely hurts herself. As her older brother I've lately spent some more time with her and that has helped. Because the thing is my dad really loves us but he's really busy and he's just really bad with relationships with kids and so doesn't have a personal relationship with us and so he doesn't end up spending a lot of time with Michelle. My mom says that girls, when growing up need extra love and attention from a dad to grow up "normally." So that's why I've been spending some extra time with her and it has really helped I think. She doesn't go into self-destructive behavior to get attention anymore. I've never talked about this with anyone except my mom before. Please just pray for her that she will get through her teenage years OK and will get to now Jesus Christ personally.

'k. Will pray.

The mentality of a father is formed in a lot of different ways. I can understand what you and your sister are feeling. I am one of four children brought up in a home with a father who was not very "kid" oriented. This was due to the fact that he himself was raised in a home where the father was the bread-winner and the mother took care of the house and the children. Naturally, this was how he himself ran our household. I do have one sister who is two years younger than I and your mother is right, it is very hard as a young lady matures to do so without the attention of her father. If was difficult to watch the struggles my sister went though. My father is still living and has expressed a number of times he wishes he had done things differently (love was shown through monetary gifts and not expressed with embraces). We've come to accept the reason our father is the way he is and we have a very good relationship with him today. Of course this type of upbringing has made me more determined to be different in my relationship with my son and daughter and I think this is going to be true for you also. There is a wonderful book out by Norman Wright entitled "Daddy's Girl" that deals with the father/daughter relationship. Suggest that your mother purchase this and read it and after she is finished to leave it someplace in the house where your father might notice it. Don't pressure him to read it, but allow him to get into it on his own. But I encourage you not to resent your father for being the way he is. Chances are, like my father, a lot of it has to do with the way he himself was brought up. In the meantime, continue to encourage your sister and spend that time with her. As you said the attention seems to do wonders for her. You are building a foundation of a special realtionship that will last a lifetime. You can be that someone who she can turn to for wisdom and advice. She will look up to you, respect you and, I believe, will be drawn to your Christ because of the attention and respect you give to her. You're doing a wonderful thing and I'll be praying for you and your family.

There is also a wonderful book out by Dr. James Dobson entitled, "Bringing Up Boys" which deals with the relationship of parents with their sons. This is another great family resource.

I will pray for you and your sister.

ill pray for her

I'll pray.

Kuroi I will definitely pray for Michelle. She is the same age as my daughter. My daughter struggles with depression as well right now, and that's pretty much the usual at this age in girls. Sleep patterns change and everything in life is a dire emergency. She'll be more moody, I'm afraid as she closes in on 13, it will get worse. This is very normal. And, honestly it's not really your dad's fault. My daughter was always a daddy's girl, my husband has that part down, but recently she's been very clingy with me and I believe it's because she wants a woman's influence as she enters her teens.

I think you are handling it wonderfully. I believe big brothers and sisters are such blessings and great helps to their younger siblings. Continue to give her the truth of God's word when the opening arises, but more importantly continue to be there for her. God will work things out.

May God bless your family.

i will pray for your sister. i had a friend that used to have the same problems

Thanks so much for the prayers and advice guys. You're really an encouragement. And I'll defenately tell my mom about those books.

I will keep her in my prayers.